Blonde jokes - jokes about blondes (1 to 10)

14 new blonde jokes

1.Two blondes walk into a bar…
You would have thought one of them would have seen it.

2. Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
She was desperately trying to make up her mind.

3. Why was the blonde's belly button sore?
Her boyfriend was blonde too.

4. Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe.

5. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin out and throw it back!

6. What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell; she's got a grenade in her teeth!

7. Blonde: "Do you have any children?"
Colleague: "Yes, I have one that's just under two."
Blonde: "I might be blonde, but I know how to count."

8. Why did the blonde get fired from her job packaging M&Ms?
She kept throwing out all the ‘Ws'.

9. I found my blonde girlfriend painting the spare bedroom, wearing my coat and hers.
She was sweating buckets.
When I asked her why, she said it was because the can said "best results with two coats"!

10. What's blonde and dead in a closet?
The hide-and-seek champion from 1995.

11. What do you give a blonde who has everything?
Penicillin.

12. Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"
Brunette: "I don't know."
Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"

13. Friend: Have you met my identical twin sister yet?
Blonde: No, what does she look like?

14. Why can't you tell a blonde a knock-knock joke?
Because they keep getting up to answer the door.

Why does Ariel wear seashells ... and few more new jokes

Daughter: "dad, why does Ariel wear seashells"
Dad: "because b-shells are too small and d-shells are too big"

A police officer just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs are chasing people on bikes.
That's ridiculous, because my dogs don't even own bikes.

In the past, your last name often reflected your profession.
Tailors - taylor, Blacksmith - Smith, ect.
So what the heck was a Dickinson?

Wife asked, "Can you get some bleach, washing powder and some shake and vac while you're out?"
"Can you not wait until you’ve opened your Birthday presents tomorrow?"

Had a look on a dating site. Possible match, similar interests, described herself as 5 ft 3 blue eyes, blonde hair…
Not sure I want to date someone with 3 blue eyes though!

I hate when my wife gets mad at me for being lazy.
It’s not like I did anything.

25 years of marriage

After 25 years of marriage, I took a look at my wife one day and said:

"Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black-and-white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde.

Now, we have a nice house, a nice car, a big bed and a big-screen plasma TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

But my wife is a very reasonable woman.

She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she'd make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car and sleeping on a sofa bed. 

Soda Machine

One day a blonde went up to a soda machine, put in some money, and a soda came out. She got really excited and started to put more money into the machine. The more and more she did it, the more the soda came out.

After a while someone walked up to her and asked if they could please get a soda.

The blonde looked at them angrily and said: "Get out of my face, I'm winning!"

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