Animal jokesJokes about animals. These are the jokes listed 1 to 15. |
My Loving Dog Mace
There was once a handyman who had a dog named Mace. Mace was a great dog except he had one weird habit: he liked to eat grass -- not just a little bit, but in quantities that would make a lawnmower blush. And nothing, it seemed, could cure him of it. One day, the handyman lost his wrench in the tall grass while he was working outside. He looked and looked, but it was nowhere to be found.
As it was getting dark, he gave up for the night and decided to look the next morning. When he awoke, he went outside and saw that his dog had eaten all the grass in the area, around where he had been working, and his wrench now lay in plain sight, glinting in the sun.
Going out to get his wrench, he called the dog over to him and said, "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me."
International Dance Day Jokes: Celebrate on April 29th With Some Serious Dancefloor Laughs
April 29th is International Dance Day—time to move your feet and your funny bone! Celebrate with these dance jokes that have better rhythm than most of us on a Friday night
I started taking salsa dancing lessons but just don’t feel like I’m progressing...
It’s one step forwards, two steps back.
I have decided to give up tap dancing; it's too dangerous.
I fell off and twisted my ankle in the sink.
Why don't dogs make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
Check some older International Dance Day Jokes
How many dance teachers does it take to change a light bulb?
5678
Why do dancers say 5, 6, 7, 8?
Because the musicians already took 1, 2, 3, 4.
A guy takes his wife out for the night and they end up at a disco where there’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – breakdancing, moonwalking, backflips, every dance move going. The wife turns to her husband and says...
“See that guy on the dance floor? 25 years ago, he proposed to me and I turned him down.”
The husband replies, “It looks like he’s still celebrating.”
I had a fish that could breakdance on the floor...
But only for like 30 seconds... and only once.
What kind of monster is the best dancer?
The Boogieman!
Where do fortune tellers dance?
At the crystal ball.
What is a pretzel's favorite dance?
The Twist.
I told my mother-in-law that I would dance on her grave when she died.
Just to spite me, she got buried at sea.
What do you call a log that can dance?
A logarithm.
Peanut Butter and Jelly Day Jokes
Happy National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day! Celebrate April 2, 2025 with some deliciously nutty jokes:
Why did the peanut butter break up with the jelly?
Because it felt smothered!
What’s a peanut butter and jelly sandwich’s favorite type of music?
Smooth jams.
Why did the PB&J go to therapy?
They had a lot of spread-out issues.
What did the bread say after the PB&J got together?
“You two are really my jam!”
Want more puns? Check out this hilarious list of peanut butter puns.
Why did the peanut butter apply for a job?
It wanted to spread its skills.
What do you call jelly that’s always in a rush?
Jam-packed!
Why don’t peanut butter and jelly ever get into arguments?
Because they always stick together.
Here’s another funny one: The Peanut Butter Rooster.
What’s a jelly’s favorite pickup line?
“Are you toast? ‘Cause I want to be on you.”
What did the grape jelly say to the peanut butter at the party?
“Let’s jam!”
Why did the PB&J sandwich go to school?
To become a little smarter and more well-bread!
Beautiful Daughter
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.
He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"
The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!"
Worth A Try
Marine biology researchers have developed a new method to fend off shark attacks.
If you are diving and are approached by a shark, they recommend that you swim towards it aggressively and punch it in the nose as hard as possible.
If this doesn't work, beat the shark with your stump.
Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection...
Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion...
Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please...
My neighbor. She’s single. S...
My neighbor. She’s single. She’s shapely & beautiful and she lives right across the street.I watched her as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on my door.
I opened the door, she looked at me and said, ”I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and have fun tonight. Are you doing anything?”
I quickly replied, “Nope, I’m free!”
“Great” she said. ”Can you watch my dog?”
