Jokes of the day for Monday, 16 February 2026
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 16 February 2026 |
All expenses paid...
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were off!
About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop.
"And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.
"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old fart I had to share the room with?"
A redneck goes to a drug store...
A redneck goes to a drug store and says to the pharmacist, "I got a hot date tonight, and I need me some protection. How much is a pack of them rubbers gonna cost me?"The pharmacist responds, "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
"Tacks!" the shocked redneck says. "Don't they stay on by themselves?"
The new dads!
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor when the nurse walked out and said to a man sitting there, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team." About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mrs. Smith had just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for 3M!"
When the nurse appeared next, she told the third man that his wife had given birth to quadruplets.
"That's amazing! I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!"
At this point the gentleman sitting next to me let out a little strangled gasp and hurriedly got up, obviously distraught. When I asked him if he was okay, he explained, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I'm the casting director for 101 Dalmatians."
All Dressed Up
When a strip club isn't open there should be a sign that reads:
"Sorry, We're Clothed!"
Miracle worker...
Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked, humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War...could you help me?"
"Of course, my son," Jesus said, and when he touched the man's back, he felt relief for the first time in years.
The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight.
Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared, and he could see everything distinctly.
When Jesus turned to heal the union worker, the guy put his hands up and cried, defensively, "DON'T TOUCH ME! I'm on long-term disability!"
World Translation Day Jokes
On 30th September we celebrate World Translation Day! Find jokes about it below:
What do you call a translator who is always on time?
A punctual linguist.
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive.
However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.”
A voice from the back of the room retorted, “Yeah, right.”
Two translators on a ship are talking.“Can you swim?” asks one.“No” says the other, “but I can shout for help in nine languages.”
#worldtranslationday
A Jewish Landing
As the plane settled down at Ben Gurion airport, the voice of the Captain came on:
"Please remain seated with your seatbelt fastened until this plane is at a complete standstill and the seat belt signs have been turned off.""To those of you standing in the aisles, we wish you a Happy Hanukkah."
"To those who have remained in their seats, we wish you a Merry Christmas."
A drunk driver is stopped for...
A drunk driver is stopped for heading the wrong way on a one-way street. The police officer asked the driver, "Didn't you see the arrows?"
The drunk responds, "Arrows? I couldn't even see the Indians."
Hari Kondabolu: Arizona Anti-Immigration Laws
Its this anti-immigration legislation that theyre trying to push, where they would allow police officers to racially profile undocumented immigrants, especially people in the Mexican community. I think thats horrendous. But what amazes me is that people support this law. I was watching the news, this woman in Arizona, looking at a camera, straight faced, she says, Hey, were just trying to bring the country back to the way it used to be. The way it used to be? Lady, youre in Arizona. It used to be Mexico. A guy goes to the supermarket...
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her. So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, and he says, "Oh, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I did on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped me with wet celery?"
The woman looks sternly into his eyes and says very calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."
Heart Chaser
The pretty lady at the DMV recommended to me that I sign up to be an organ donor....
That's when I realized she was a girl after my own heart!
Pete died
Mrs. Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband's obituary. She was told by the kindly newsman that it was a dollar a word. Apologizing that she only had two dollars, she wrote this obituary: "Pete died."
"I remember ol' Pete, and he deserves more than two words," said the newsman. "I'll give you three more for free."
The widow thanked him and wrote, "Pete died. Boat for sale."
Joke found on http://www.copresco.com/, published on January 1999
