Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 07 January 2026
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 07 January 2026 |
An old man goes to the Wizard ...
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years.The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation "'I now pronounce you man and wife'".
How Many Women?
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. "How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
Traffic lights camera
A...
Traffic lights cameraA man was driving down the road. He passed a traffic camera and saw it flash.
Astounded that he had been caught speeding when he was under the speed limit, he turned around and, going even slower, he passed by the camera.
Again, he saw it flash. He couldn't believe it! So he turned and, going at snail's pace, he passed the camera.
AGAIN, he saw the camera flash. He guessed it must have a fault, and home he went.
Four weeks later he received 3 traffic fines in the mail, all for not wearing a seatbelt.
Conway Twitty, Is That Really You?
A young pastor moved to town and decided he would go around and introduce himself to the new congregation. He rang the first door bell and a lady came to the door. She stared at him as he introduced himself.
She said, “I can't believe how much you look like Conway Twitty, the country music singer.”
He replied, “Yes, ma’am, I hear that a lot.”
He went to the next house and the next, and every lady that came to the door said the same thing—that he looked like Conway Twitty.
At the last house, a shapely young lady came to the door with a towel around her. He started to introduce himself, but she loosened her towel, threw her arms in the air, and screamed, “Conway Twitty!”
The pastor stood there, stunned. Then he said, “Hello, darling!”
My Super Ex-Wife
My ex-wife and I could not reconcile our marriage because of religious differences.She thought she was God.I disagreed. Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous...
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “Where is God?!" The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!" "GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
You Want Children?
Are You Ready for Children?Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
Toy Test: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego's. (If Lego's are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)
Grocery Store Test: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
Dressing Test: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.
Feeding Test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
Night Test: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 - 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
Physical Test (Women): Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.
Physical Test (Men): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
Final Assignment: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.
OLD IS WHEN...
"OLD" IS WHEN - Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one; I can't do both!""OLD" IS WHEN - Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN - A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN - Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
"OLD" IS WHEN - You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
"OLD" IS WHEN - You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN - "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today
"OLD" IS WHEN - "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
"OLD" IS WHEN - An "all nighter" means not getting up to use the bathroom.
"OLD" IS WHEN - You are not sure these are jokes.
Your Breast is Loose
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.
A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out."
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOODNESS! I left the baby on the bus again!"
People say that there is no di...
People say that there is no difference between ‘finished’ and ‘complete’. I say there is...Marry the right person, and you’re COMPLETE.
Marry the wrong person, and you’re FINISHED.
Math Teacher
The night before one exam, two students tied one on, (well, actually, tied two on, one each), and managed to sleep through the final. They realized they were in serious trouble, so they agreed to tell the professor that they had a flat tire on the way to the exam.
``No problem." said the Professor, ``Come by my office at 5 P.M. and I'll give you the exam then."
Feeling pretty clever, the students spent the intervening time getting information on the exam from students who had already taken it, and making sure they knew how to do the problems. Coming to the professor's office that evening, they were told, ``Leave your books in my office, and I'll put you in two separate rooms for the exam." They were both ecstatic to see that the Professor had given them the exact same exam taken by the class that morning. However, there was an additional page tacked on the end, upon which was written, "For 50% of the grade, which tire was flat?"
What is the sign of inflation?
What is the sign of inflation? - A Volkswagen with 12 Latinos in it.
Top 10 New Years Resolutions for Men and Women
Top 10 Resolutions for Men
10. Find out why all my clothes have shrank. Again.
9. Read that book, “Stop Procrastinating” that I bought three years ago.
8. Figure out why supermodels don’t want to date plain, bald men as the media has led me to believe.
7. Prepare for the zombie apocalypse.
6. Prepare for dating supermodels in the zombie apocalypse (it could happen, right?)
5. Vamp up that eHarmony profile with some spiffy pics of ex-girlfriends half cut off in every profile picture. That’s attractive, right?
4. Mention in eHarmony how I’m a great date and can zap a zombie.
3. Stock up on beer.
2. Stock up on condoms just in case!
1. Get a job.
Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions for Women
10. Get some better outfits.
9. Hit the gym for real this year.
8. Diet.
7. Cut back on lattes.
6. Take charge.
5. Travel more!
4. Believe in myself.
3. Wear all the shoes I have bought!
2. Screen the freaks on my online dating profile.
1. Stop dating losers who are obsessed with zombies on eHarmony.
The children were lined up in...
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:'Take only ONE. God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
