Jokes of the day for Thursday, 26 February 2026
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 26 February 2026 |
What's the trick?
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no, no!" insisted the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
My Super Ex-Wife
My ex-wife and I could not reconcile our marriage because of religious differences.She thought she was God.I disagreed. Few fresh jokes to start weekend with laugh
If you don't know what to talk about on a first date, try mentioning Global Warming
It's a huge Icebreaker
The female janitor at work keeps asking me if I want to smoke a joint with her.
I always say no because I simply can’t handle High, maintenance woman.
Someone asked me why I always go to the bathroom alone…
I’m just not a pee pal person.
5 out of 6 experts agree that it’s perfectly safe
to play Russian Roulette.
I told my son, "Have you heard that they're shutting down all food resources in schools so that children can't eat?"
"Canteens?" he asked.
"No, it doesn't matter what age," I replied.
I sold my vacuum a few days ago
All it was really doing was there collecting dust.
Grandpa: boy, how many miles d...
Grandpa: boy, how many miles do you walk to school?Boy: about a half mile.
Grandpa: when I was your age I walked eight miles to school every day. Boy, what are your grades like?
Boy: they are mostly B's.
Grandpa: when I was your age I got all A's. Boy, have you ever gotten into a fight?
Boy: only two times and the boy beat me up.
Grandpa: When I was your age I was in a fight every day. Boy, how old are you?
Boy: 9 years old.
Grandpa: when I was your age I was 11
Anagrams
George Bush: When you rearrange the letters: He Bugs Gore
Dormitory: When you rearrange the letters: Dirty Room
Evangelist: When you rearrange the letters: Evil's Agent
Desperation: When you rearrange the letters: A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code: When you rearrange the letters: Here Come Dots
Slot Machines: When you rearrange the letters: Cash Lost in Em
Animosity: When you rearrange the letters: Is No Amity
Snooze Alarms: Wen you rearrange the letters: Alas No More Z's
A Decimal Point: When you rearrange the letters: I'm a Dot in Place
Eleven plus two: When you rearrange the letters: Twelve plus one
NO, YOU CAN'T BE CHALIE SHEEN...
NO, YOU CAN'T BE CHALIE SHEEN FOR HALLOWEEN! A man asked his doctor if he t...
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be 100. The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?"
"No," he replied. "I've never done either."
"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or fool around with women?" inquired the doctor.
"No, I've never done any of those things either."
"Well, then," said the doctor, "why would you want to live to be 100?"
Friendship is born
Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .” 
Michael Che: Camera Phones
My nephew's got a camera phone; he's 10 years old. Which sucks for him because I can't imagine what it must be like for him to go through a 5th grade math class with a device in his pocket that can answer all of life's questions and show him pictures of titties in high definition. You want this kid to pay attention in class? He doesn't have attention deficit, he's got titties in his pocket. I wish people would stop making fun of fat people
I wish people would stop making fun of fat people – they have enough sh-t on their plates.
Eddie Murphy (April 3 1961-)
Picture: Getty Images
Police investigation
A lady dies and the police finds out she was the madam at an illegal brothel They find her black book of workers and clients so they assign Bill, an older, widowed detective to talk to the women to find out more about the operation. They figure as an older man Bill won't be as enticed as younger detectives by the pretty young women.
A few weeks into the investigation Bill goes to his supervisor and says he needs to be relieved of the case because of a conflict of interest. The supervisor asks what he means.
"Well," Bill says, "All was going well and I was getting good info from the girls, but then the last woman in the book was Cindy, a sweet, beautiful and funny 59 year old. We met a couple of times and to make a long story short, we started dating and have now become an item."
The supervisor looks at Bill and says "I can't believe it Bill. Thirty eight years on the job, 2 years away from retirement, and you fell for the oldest trick in the book."
From The Blonde Files
After years of working for others and being passed over for promotions, Blonde John and his wife, Blonde Mary, decided to go into business together. After examining the classifieds, they bought a small candy stand, paying thirty cents for each box of candy and then selling it for thirty cents.
At the end of the day they were astonished to find that they had sold every box of candy – yet had exactly as much money as when they started.
“You see?” John snarled at his wife. “I told you we should have bought a larger stand!”
25 years of marriage
After 25 years of marriage, I took a look at my wife one day and said:
"Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black-and-white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde.
Now, we have a nice house, a nice car, a big bed and a big-screen plasma TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."
But my wife is a very reasonable woman.
She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she'd make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car and sleeping on a sofa bed.
