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Beer jokes (1 to 15)

Beer jokes (1 to 15)

Jokes about beer. These are the jokes listed 1 to 15.

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer...

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says,
"Hang on! You're a duck."
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you can talk" !! Exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working, too," Says the duck.
"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly, sorry about that,"
Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.
"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road," Explains the duck.
"I'm a plasterer."
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.
So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him
"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"
"Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card.
"Get him to give me a call."
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,
"Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."
"I'm always looking for the next job,"
Says the duck.
"Where is it?"
"At the circus,"
Says the barman.
"The circus?"
Repeats the duck.
"That's right,"
Replies the barman.
"The circus?"
The duck asks again.
with the big tent?"
"Yeah," the barman replies.
"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.
"Of course," the barman replies.
"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
"That's right!" says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says
"What the hell would they want with a plasterer" ???
#joke #animal #food #sandwich #ham #drinks #beer
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

Tapas Jokes, to celebrate World Tapas Day

World Tapas Day, observed annually on the third Thursday of June, is an international holiday celebrating the small Spanish Tapa dish that is usually served with drinks. Check out Tapas Jokes

What did the dyslexic man order at the Italian restaurant? Tapas.

Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That’s not a miracle. That’s tapas.

Did you hear about the plant in Baton Rouge Louisiana thats been producing spanish food since the 11th century? It's a bayou tapas-tree.

How do we know that the Normans ate small portions of Spanish food? Because of the Bayeux Tapas Tray!

What did the Spanish keyboard say? Tapas .

A man walked into a bar and ordered a beer and two plates of tapas.
Another man walked into the bar and ordered 10 beers and 20 plates of tapas.
The barman said, "That's an order of magnitude!"

I got the roast duck at a fancy tapas place downtown...
Boy, the duck might have been small but its bill sure was big.

Girlfriend took me out for tapas today.
I kept repeating 'this is a great way tapas the time'
The look of annoyance on her face was growing.
So I told her if it's annoying just tell me tapas off.

#joke #food #bread #drinks #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

A Genius Solution

I put my root beer in a square glass...
Now it's just beer.

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (14)

We Don't Hide Crazy

We don't hide crazy in this family.
We put it out on the front porch and give it a beer!

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.19/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (16)

Winter is here! Collection of 76 Winter Jokes

1. Why did the snowman hold up his arms?
He was told to freeze.

2. What did the black ice ask the car?
Wanna go for a spin?

3. How do you know when a snowman is scared?
He's sitting in yellow snow.

4. What did the mitten say to the hand?
I've got you covered.

5. Why did the reindeer have a limp?
He took a snowfall.

6. What's the difference between ice and icicle?
Ice has noel.

7. Why is a sled always discouraged?
It's continuously on a downward slide.

8. What do you call a cold thief?
A brrrr-glar.

9. Why was there a puddle in front of the fireplace?
A snowman was trying to warm himself.

10. What is the purpose of bundling up?
Anti-freeze.

11. How does Jack Frost keep warm?
With a thick blanket of snow.

Christmas is almost here, check out Christmas jokes in our Christmas jokes collection

12. Why did the snowman leave?
He had a meltdown.

13. What happens when you catch a cold?
You get cabin fever.

14. Where does a snowman store his cash?
In a snowbank.

15. What is the best way to build a snow fort?
I-gloo it together.

16. Why does Frosty's wife look so young?
She uses cold cream on her face.

17. What happens when a mosquito lands on a snowman?
He gets frostbite.

18. Why did the two snowmen part ways?
One was just too flaky.

19. When is an igloo a bad investment?
During global warming.

20. What are little snowmen called?
Chill-dren.

21. What is a snowman's favorite breakfast cereal?
Frosted Flakes.

22. When does winter begin?
When autumn leaves.

23. How did the snowman get flattened?
Instead of his usual snow shower, he went for an avalanche.

24. Why are polar bears so big?
Because they snack on ice cream and snow cones.

25. How does a snowman lose weight?
He drinks only hot chocolate.

26. What has the best chance of surviving a fall?
Snow.

27. How does Jack Frost stay so thin?
He only eats iceberg lettuce.

28. How does Santa like his cookies?
With lots of ice-ing.

29. What fish do you catch in the winter?
Frozen fish sticks.

30. Why should you invite an ice fisherman to your party?
To help break the ice.

31. What is sure to stop a snowball fight?
A hail storm.

32. How does a snowman travel through town?
On bi-cicle.

33. Who is Frosty's favorite aunt?
Aunt Artica.

34. Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose.

35. What do you call a hot-tempered snowman?
A puddle.

36. How did the man feel after being buried under the avalanche?
A bit under the weather.

37. How did the snowman know he was getting sick?
He had the chills.

38. What type of beer is served in Iceland?
Only drafts.

39. How do mountain tops handle the cold?
They put on their snow caps.

40. What's easy to catch and hard to get rid of?
A cold.

41. Knock, knock. Who's there? Snow. Snow who?
Snow body.

42. When will you see snowmen dance?
At a snowball.

43. What did the snowman's wife put over the baby crib?
A snowmobile.

44. What gift should you never give a snowman?
An electric blanket.

45. How do you know when you have angered a snowman?
You'll get the cold shoulder.

46. What do you call a reindeer without eyes?
I have no eye deer.

47. What did a police officer ask a suspect in the Arctic?
Where were you the night of September to March?

48. What do you call 5 snowshoe hares bouncing backward in the snow?
A receding hare line.

49. Who protects snowmen?
Snow angels.

50. Why should you wear a helmet during a hail storm?
So you don't get knocked out cold.

51. Why are snowmen so well-behaved?
They don't want to end up in the greenhouse.

52. What did the scarf say to the hat?
You go on ahead and I'll just hang around.

53. How do snowmen get smarter?
From the winternet.

54. What do the elves eat for lunch in the North Pole?
Cold cuts and chilly.

55. What did one snowflake say to another?
Let's stick together.

56. How can you tell when a snowman is embarrassed?
He begins to slush.

57. What song do you sing to honor a snowman?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.

58. What is the elf's favorite time at the workshop?
Snow and tell.

59. How do you defend yourself against a snowman?
With a heat gun.

60. What do you call a snapshot from the North Pole?
A polaroid.

61. Why is it easy to build a blonde snowman?
It's made up of flakes.

62. What do trees say after winter is over?
What a re-leaf!

63. Why do polar bears live by themselves?
They like the ice-olation.

64. Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot. You can easily catch a cold.

65. What do you call a penguin in the city?
Lost.

66. What does a snowman take when he's afraid of melting?
A chill pill.

67. What dilemma does a snowman with achy muscles have?
Wondering whether or not IcyHot rub is a good idea.

68. Why do reindeer have fur?
Because snowsuits don't fit them.

69. What are the chances of a white Christmas?
Pretty good. It's Decembrrrrr.

70. What happens when you cross a wizard with a blizzard?
You get a cold spell.

71. Why do ski socks never make plans?
They're afraid they'll get cold feet.

72. How do you stay warm in any room during the winter?
Go into a corner. It's always 90 degrees.

73. How do you get a snowman to disappear?
Give him a warm hug.

74. What happens when you ask Santa for money?
He leaves cold hard cash.

75. Why did the orchestra set up in the snow?
They wanted to play "cool jazz."

76. How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!

#joke #blonde #policeman #christmas #animal #bear #penguin #reindeer #fish #mosquito #food #breakfast #lunch #carrot #chocolate #drinks #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
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Rating: 1.6/10 (7)

107 Funny Christmas Jokes and Puns 2023

Christmas jokes and puns from 2023, although some older jokes might slip through

If these 107 Christmas jokes is not enough for you, please find lot more of Christmas jokes in our Christmas jokes collection

  1. What does the Gingerbread Man use to make his bed? Cookie sheets!
  2. What's Santa Claus's favourite track & field event? North Pole-vaulting!
  3. That sly smile on your face has me thinking you’re up to snow good.
  4. I didn't think this party would be such a drag; I'm snow bored.
  5. What was Santa's best subject in school? Chemistree.
  6. What did the peanut butter say to the grape on Christmas? This is the season to be jelly.
  7. What's Santa Claus's favourite type of potato chip? Crisp Pringles!
  8. All I want for Christmas is ewe.
  9. I'm pine-ing for you.
  10. Have snow fear—Christmas is here!
  11. Your presents are requested.
  12. Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh? He wanted to see time fly!
  13. What do you call a reindeer ghost? A cari-boo!
  14. I bought my son a refrigerator for Xmas – I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
  15. The moment you stop believing in Santa is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.
  16. This fire is so cozy, the snuggle is real.
  17. I'll be ho-ho-home for Xmas.
  18. A round of Santa-plause, please.
  19. Happy howlidays! Hope Santa Paws brings you lots of treats.
  20. Sending you pugs and kisses this Christmas.
  21. Who delivers Christmas presents to pets? Santa Paws.
  22. Yappy Holidays and a Happy New Year.
  23. Where does Santa stay when he goes on vacation? At a ho-ho-ho-tel.
  24. These decorations are tree-mendous.
  25. I only have ice for you.
  26. It is ice to meet you.
  27. Have your elf a merry little Christmas.
  28. How do dogs sing jingle bells? Dachshund through the snow…
  29. Merry Xmas. Hope it’s not too ruff!
  30. How do Chihuahuas say merry Christmas? iFleas Navidog.
  31. What did the dog say to the Xmas tree? Bark.
  32. Santa’s little yelper wants to wish you a Merry Christmas.
  33. Why was the dog upset about the Xmas tree? He was not even allowed to bring sticks into the house.
  34. Someone’s barking up the wrong Christmas tree.
  35. Paws a moment this Christmas to reflect on what the season is all about!
  36. What do you call a wet dog with a bell on his collar? Jingle smells!
  37. It is never chew late to wish you a Happy Holidays.
  38. If you’re lucky this Xmas, Santa Claus will grace you with his presents.
  39. That look soots you.
  40. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.
  41. Children who don’t learn to tie their shoes properly are bound to wind up on the knotty list.
  42. It is the most wonderful time for a beer.
  43. The festive season has me feeling extra Santa-mental.
  44. How do dogs decorate for Xmas? They deck the paws with bows of collie.
  45. What do you do when it’s raining cats and dogs? Nothing; as long as it does not reindeer.
  46. You sleigh me.
  47. I’ll never fir-get.
  48. In 2020, the best gift will be hand Santa-tizer.
  49. You’re the best person I snow.
  50. It’s the most wine-derful time of the year.
  51. I love when candy canes are in mint condition.
  52. Rebel without a Claus.
  53. You’re my soul Santa.
  54. What do snowmen eat for lunch? Ice burgers!
  55. What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap.
  56. What do you call an old snowman? Water.
  57. Where do snowmen keep money? In a snow bank.
  58. What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May? A puddle!
  59. Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners? Rude-alph!
  60. Why didn't the skeleton go to the Yule party? He had no-body to go with.
  61. What do you get if you combine Santa and a duck? A Xmas Quacker!
  62. What type of cars do elves drive? Toy-otas.
  63. When I think about you, I touch my elf.
  64. He is a fungi to be with.
  65. Eat, drink, and be tacky.
  66. I got my wife a wooden leg for Christmas. It’s a real stocking filler!
  67. You’ve got balls coming in here dressed like that.
  68. What is the worst Christmas present? A broken drum, you can't beat it.
  69. Did you hear about the mall Santa who lost his job? He was fired for Clause.
  70. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa clause? Claustrophobic.
  71. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he has visited? He keeps a log book.
  72. Why is Santa banned from sooty chimneys? Carbon footprints.
  73. What do you call a cow that lives in an igloo? An eskimoo.
  74. Santa's beard is so long because he's bad at shaving. Why do you think they call him Saint Nick?
  75. What kind of linens do gingerbread men put on their beds? Cookie sheets.
  76. Single bells, single bells, single all the way.
  77. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
  78. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They keep dropping their needles.
  79. Who hides in the bakery at Xmas? A mince spy.
  80. How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer!
  81. What do snowmen have for breakfast? Snowflakes.
  82. Eat, drink, and be meowy.
  83. Have a meowy Christmas.
  84. Merry catmas! Hope you have a Purr-fect Holiday season!
  85. May your days be meowy and bright.
  86. All I want for Xmas is mew.
  87. Here comes Santa Claws, here comes Santa Claws…
  88. Catty Canes.
  89. The tree and I are getting lit this Christmas.
  90. Are you oakay? Yes, I'm pine!
  91. I love hanging with you this season.
  92. Never fir-get how beautiful Christmas trees are.
  93. Have a tree-mendous Christmas.
  94. Hey DJ, drop the needles. Can I get a watt watt?
  95. I think my tree and I have a really good chemis-tree.
  96. Don’t forget that everyone is rooting for you.
  97. This year my tree is #ballin.
  98. Ornamentary, my dear Watt-son.
  99. Hey tree, do not leaf me hanging.
  100. Looking at you is like reading poetree.
  101. Birch, please.
  102. I love the festive season more than you think.
  103. Yes, I do consider myself a Christmas tree hugger.
  104. I’m having fun fir sure.
  105. I love you a whole watt.
  106. What a de-light you are to be around.
  107. Advice from a tree: stand tall and proud, go out on a limb, remember your roots, and drink plenty of water.
#joke #christmas #newyear #animal #cat #dog #cow #pet #reindeer #chihuahua #food #breakfast #lunch #potato #burger #butter #drinks #wine #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

62 corny jokes to get you through Monday

  • Do you have a Band-Aid? I have hurt myself while falling for you.
  • You better direct that beauty elsewhere because you drive me up the wall.
  • Girl, you're so stunning. I just forgot my pickup line.
  • Your dad must be Liam Neeson because I'm Taken with you.
  • If grapes make your skin beautiful, your home must be in a vineyard.
  • How well did the phone propose to its girlfriend? He gave her a ring.
  • You're like dandruff because I can't get you off my mind no matter how hard I try.
  • Girl, do you know you're like asthma because you take my breath away?
  • I am Microsoft. Can I crash at your place today?
  • What do runners eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.
  • I know what you did last summer. Do you want to do the same during the winter?
  • Hey honey, do you want to hear a joke about construction? Never mind, I'm still working on it.
  • What did that little boat tell the yacht? Hey, can I interest you in a row-mance?
  • What did the guy with the broken leg say to the nurse? I have a clutch on you.
  • What do you call two birds that are in love? Tweet hearts.
  • What do you call a person with a rubber toe? Roberto.
  • Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
  • Why should you not fall in love with a pastry chef? He will desert you.
  • What name is given to a factory that only markets passable products? A satisfactory.
  • What does a ghost call his friend? My ghoul friend.
  • Knock knock? Who is there? Paul. Paul, who? I'm Paul, in love with you.
  • Are you casting for Wonder Woman? Because I have the perfect role.
  • Are you feeling guilty about global warming? Because your hotness is melting the world.
  • Will you kiss me, or should I lie to my diary?
  • Hey girl, is that an earthquake, or have you just shaken my world?
  • It seems I am addicted to yes and am allergic to no. So what's it going to be?
  • Do you believe in love on first sight, or should I pass by you again?
  • I may not be a professional, but we would look cute together in a photo.
  • Girl, I need CPR after seeing your face.
  • My job is secure. No one else needs it.
  • It would be best to never break up with a goalie because he's the keeper.
  • Do you have a date for Valentine's Day? Yes, it is on the 14th.
  • What happened when two lovely vampires went on their first date? It was love at first bite.
  • Why should you not marry a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.
  • What is the difference between marriage and love? Love is blind, while marriage is an eye-opener.
  • My girlfriend works at the zoo. She is a keeper.
  • I said I love you so much. I can't live without you. My girlfriend asked me, "Is it you talking or the beer?" I innocently answered her, "I was talking to the beer."
  • Love is like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and you wondered about Y?
  • Do you know love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them reaching their safe?
  • Please don't laugh at your girlfriend's choices because you're one of them.
  • I love to tell my girlfriend, the house boss, by holding the mirror before her face.
  • I said to my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  • What did the cat say to her girlfriend? You're perfect for me.
  • What do you call two cupids who are in love? A match made in heaven.
  • What did one watermelon tell the other watermelon? You're the only one in melons.
  • Why did the man accuse his wife of robbery? She stole his heart.
  • Who has a date on Valentine's Day? The calendar.
  • When you fall in love with a chef, you get buttered up.
  • The hopeless romantic baker told his dough, I knead you.
  • The tightrope walker found love through online dating.
  • Is it hot in here, or are you busy raising the temperature?
  • Girl, give me back my heart because it seems you stole it when I first set my eyes on you.
  • Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? He had nobody to go with.
  • What did the shark tell the other while eating clownfish? Wow, this tastes funny.
  • Girl, what do you call a magician dog? Labracadabrador.
  • What do you call a pony with a cough? A little hoarse.
  • I saw two zombies on a date, and they said romance is dead.
  • The lion broke up with his girlfriend since she was a cheetah.
  • Your name must be WiFi because I am feeling a strong connection.
  • Babe, you turn my floppy disk into a hard drive.
  • What do you say to your single friends on Valentine's Day? Happy independence day.
  • I told my boyfriend to text me when he reached home. He must be homeless.
#joke #monday #animal #cat #dog #bird #lion #shark #fruit #watermelon #grapes #food #honey #eating #drinks #beer #sport #tennis #wedding
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
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20 math jokes to make you laugh

I poured my root beer into a square glass...
Now I have a beer

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine!

What do you call a bunch of guys who love math?
Alge-bros!

Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
It was over 90 degrees!

How does a mathematician plow fields?
With a pro-tractor.

What's a math teacher's favorite kind of tree?
Geometry.

Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?
It improved di-vision.

Who's the king of the pencil case?
The ruler.

Why doesn't anybody talk to circles?
Because there's no point.

What did the triangle say to the circle?
You're pointless.

Why was the obtuse triangle always upset?
Because it's never right.

What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!

Why did the two 4s skip lunch?
They already 8!

How do you make seven an even number?
Remove the s!

Why was math class so long?
The teacher kept going off on a tangent.

Do you know what's odd?
Every other number!

Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.

Which king loved fractions?
Henry the ⅛.

Have you heard the one about the statistician?
Probably.

What do you call a number that can't sit still?
A roamin' numeral!

#joke #food #lunch #drinks #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
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Rating: 8.8/10 (12)

A Beer

Iamonthemoonandthereisnowheretogetabeer.
Thereisnospacebar.

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (12)

Fridge Jokes

June 26th is World Refrigeration Day! Find jokes about it!

What do you call an encyclopedia in the fridge?
Cold, hard facts.

What do you get if you cross a stereo and a fridge?
Very cool music.

Why is cold milk always so relaxed?
Because it chills in the fridge.

What did the ranch say to the refrigerator?
Close the door, I'm dressing.

What’s the easiest way to get a six-pack at the gym?
Take the beer from your fridge and smuggle it in.

Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.

What is blue, white and cant climb mountains?
A fridge wearing a denim jacket.

How can you tell if there is an elephant in your fridge?
There are footprints in the butter.

Why did the man throw the contents of his fridge out of the window?
He wanted to see the butterfly.

Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.

Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet

Is your refrigerator running?
Mine too. See you at the refrigerator race tomorrow.

How come the fridge is always emotionally stable?
Because it’s always chill.

What do you call something that runs but never gets anywhere?
A fridge.

Why was the blonde sitting in the fridge?
Because the label on her juice said to refrigerate after opening.

#RefrigerationDay #WorldRefrigerationDay

#joke #blonde #animal #butterfly #elephant #food #drinks #milk #juice #beer #sport #gym
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18 Worst dad jokes for Fathers Day, according to Amazon employees

Amazon employees reveal on their best WORST dad jokes in an hilarious video series to mark Father's Day. Filmed in its UK fulfilment centres. Scotland is revealed to be the bad dad joke capital of Britain.

Interesting, one of these jokes is also voted one of 20 Best dad jokes of all time

Why are pirates called pirates?
Cos they arrrr.

What do you get if you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.

Do you know why dads take an extra pair of socks to golf?
In case they get a hole in one.

My wife told me to stop singing Wonderwall to her …
I SAID MAYBE.

What did the janitor say when he walked into the cupboard?
Supplies.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know.

Have you heard about the chocolate record player?
It sounds pretty sweet.

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it's a soap opera.

My friend cut his finger while he was cooking.
He shouldn't have been using the sharp cheese. Sorry, that joke was a little too cheesy.

What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, they croak every night.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims.

A skeleton walks into a bar and says,
Hey, bartender. I'll have one beer and a mop.

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says,
I'm sorry,
we don't serve food here.

Why don't eggs tell each other jokes?
Because they're afraid one of them might crack up.

How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.

Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They just don't have the guts.

What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.

Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they turn around and make up stuff.

#joke #walksintoabar #animal #cat #frog #cow #chicken #food #sandwich #ham #cheese #egg #chocolate #drinks #beer #sport #golf #father
Joke | Source: John Chris - Funny jokes collected from all around
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8 new jokes for Happy Friday

1. A guy tried to tell me about a tool that makes holes in hard materials, but I stopped him.
I know the drill.

2. Never fall in love with a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.

3. Why did the cows keep returning to the field of marijuana?
It was the pot calling the cattle back.

4. 5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants
Now they're tenants

5. What do you call a hot babe you met at a party that's blackout drunk?
An Uber.

6. How do you know if an American sold drugs in high school?
They know what grams are.

7. A man sees his buddy carrying a box.
"What's that?" he ask.
"Oh, I got a case of beer for my wife."
Man nods sagely, "Good trade."

8. Interviewer: Would you mind explaining this 4-year gap on your resume?
Me: I went to Yale during this time period.
Interviewer: Wow, excellent! You’re hired!
Me: Thank you! I really needed this yob!

4. 5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants
Now they're tenants

5. What do you call a hot babe you met at a party that's blackout drunk?
An Uber.

6. How do you know if an American sold drugs in high school?
They know what grams are.

7. A man sees his buddy carrying a box.
"What's that?" he ask.
"Oh, I got a case of beer for my wife."
Man nods sagely, "Good trade."

8. Interviewer: Would you mind explaining this 4-year gap on your resume?
Me: I went to Yale during this time period.
Interviewer: Wow, excellent! You’re hired!
Me: Thank you! I really needed this yob!

#joke #friday #animal #cow #ant #drinks #beer #sport #tennis
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
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Happy Friday with fresh new jokes

I poured root beer in a square glass.
Now I just have beer.

Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
They always take things literally.

A traveling salesman offered me a deal on a coffin
I told him that's the last thing I need

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?"

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

Yesterday, I farted in the Apple Store and everyone got upset at me.
It’s not my fault they don’t have Windows…

San Francisco isn't just funny,
It's hill areas.

#joke #friday #fruit #apple #drinks #beer
Joke | Source: John Chris - Funny jokes collected from all around
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World Hypertension Day jokes

World Hypertension Day is observed every May 17th in order to raise awareness and promote hypertension prevention, detection and control. Raise awareness with these jokes.

Why did the skeptic suffer from high blood pressure?
He was taking everything with a grain of salt.

My doctor just prescribed me blood pressure medication
it was a tough pill to swallow

Russian health tips
-"For better digestion ,I drink beer, for low blood pressure I drink red wine, for high blood pressure Cognac and for colds Vodka. "
-"And what about water?"
-"I don't think I ever had such an illness....

A man walks into a hospital ward and starts inspecting all of the bed charts.
A doctor notices this and says, "Excuse me sir, but what are you doing?"
The man ignores the doctor and continues, now taking everyone's blood pressure.
"Sir, I'll ask you again", says the doctor, "why are you here and what are you doing?"
Ignoring the doctor again, the man then begins to take everyone's blood and starts processing it through the hospital's examination equipment.
"Right!" Shouts the doctor. "Now you're testing my patients!"

#joke #doctor #food #salt #drinks #wine #vodka #cognac #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
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16 Jokes to celebrate Hug an Australian Day!

April 26th is Hug an Australian Day! Find jokes about Australia and Australians:

1.Q: Why are murders in Tasmania so hard to solve?
A: Because there are no dental records and all the DNA matches.

2.A British man is visiting Australia. The customs agent asks him, “Do you have a criminal record?” The British man replies, “I didn’t think you needed one to get into Australia anymore.”

3.Q: If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?
A: Australian!

4.Q: How many Aussies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder.

5.Q: What do you call an Aussie in the finals of the World Cup?
A: The referee.

6.Q: What do you call a farting Aussie?
A: Ned Smelly

7.Q: What's the difference between Cinderella and Melbourne FC?
A: Cinderella wanted to get to the ball

8.An Aussie said, “Take away your snow capped mountains, culture, and good food, and what would New Zealand be?”
The kiwi answered, “Australia”.

9.Q: What do you call an Aussie with 100 girlfriends?
A: A farmer

10.Q: Why is Australia such a dry country?
A: We don't have a king or queen to reign on it.

11.Two Aussies are drinking together. One says, “When I die, will you promise to pour a beer on my grave?”
The other replies, “No worries mate, but I’ll have to pass it through my kidneys first.”

12.Q: Why did Tasmanians evolve to grow two heads?
A: So they can have an intelligent conversation when they visit the mainland!

13.Q: Where can someone visit for 2 hours in Melbourne.
A: St Kilda via Punt Road.

14.Q: Want to hear a joke about the construction industry in Australia?
A: Too bad, they're still working on it!

15.Q: How do you know when you're a hipster bogan?
A: When your coffee machine costs more than your washing machine.

16.Here's something you didn't know...Your taxi driver was a surgeon before arriving in Australia.

#HuganAustralianDay

#joke #food #drinks #coffee #beer
Joke | Source: Hand picked jokes - Daily Jokes hand picked from various locations
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