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Short jokes - funny one liners (1 to 40)

Short jokes - funny one liners (1 to 40)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 1 to 40.

A man jumps the fence into a tiger enclosure...

A man jumps the fence into a tiger enclosure, saying God would protect him.
He is quickly eaten and finds himself at the pearly gates before God.
"Why did you not protect me from the tigers?" the man asks. "I tried to," God replies. "What did you think the fence was for?"
#joke #short #animal #tiger
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (10)

Paying Extra for Good Looks

The person sitting next to me on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I used one of my pick-up lines on her.
I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?”
“Yes,” she replied, “but I wasn’t willing to pay.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (10)

Biden just did what your dad could...

Biden just did what your dad couldn't.
He pulled out before it was too late.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (10)

Slow Clock

My wife complained that the kitchen clock had nearly killed her mother, as it fell off the wall seconds after where she had been sitting underneath it.
That darn clock has always been slow.

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (11)

Looking Better

What is the difference between a salon and a saloon?
A salon is where you go to make yourself look better.
A saloon is where you go to make everyone else look better.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.67/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (15)

More Exercise

I know I need to build up my fitness with exercise and good health...
But at the same time my body is telling me no whey!

#joke #short #sport #exercise
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

Describe Me In Five Words

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words.
She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and ultimately I'm perfect!
Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

We Call It An Opportunity

Man (to his boss): "Can we talk? I have a problem."
Boss: "Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!"
Man: "Ok then, I have a serious drinking opportunity."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.72/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (18)

A Camera and A Foot

What’s the difference between a camera and a foot?
A camera has photos while a foot has five toes.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Doctor Call

I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today."
"Which doctor?" she asked.
"No, the regular kind."

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.58/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (12)

Cooking Fish

Jack: "Do you know how long fish should be cooked?"
Jill: "Probably the same as short fish."

#joke #short #animal #fish
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.13/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (16)

Never Single

Do you know why potatoes are never single in a bag?
Because they have a lot of buds.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Dressing Like This

A teenage boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes was overheard telling a friend, "I don't really like to dress like this."
"Then why do you?" asked the friend.
"It keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere with them."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

Dolphin Smarts

Dolphins are so intelligent...
That within a few weeks of captivity, they can train a man to stand on the edge of their pool and throw to them fish three times a day.

#joke #short #animal #dolphin #fish
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.64/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (14)

Sometimes...

Sometimes... when you cry... no one sees your tears .
Sometimes... when you are worried... no one sees your pain.
Sometimes... when you are happy... no one sees your smile.
But fart just one time...

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.76/10

Rating: 9.8/10 (21)

What's the Fly Doing?

Customer: "Waiter, waiter, what’s this fly doing in my soup?"
The waiter leans forward to get a better look.
Waiter: “Looks like the backstroke, sir.”

#joke #short #food #soup
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

My wife said...

My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your fucking obsession with the Wimbledon Championships."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 2.83/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (12)

Do I?

Husband: "Honey, why do you usually answer me back with a question when I ask you a question?"
Wife: "Is that what I do?"

#joke #short #food #honey
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Dimensions

First Assistant: "So what dimensions do the doors, hinges, walls, and locks need to be so that everything fits?"
Person who invented the first public bathroom stall: "Ah, don't worry about that. Can't stress enough how unimportant that part is."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Green Grape Says

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
"BREATHE YOU IDIOT, BREATHE!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.30/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (20)

I think my family might be racist

I think my family might be racist.
I brought my new asian girlfriend home to meet my family and i couldn't believe how rude my wife and kids were to her.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 9.18/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (17)

A One Exhibit Zoo

I went to the zoo.
There was only ONE exhibit in the entire zoo.
It was a Shih Tzu.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Doing Nothing

Wife: Whatcha doing?
Me: Nothing.
Wife: You did that yesterday.
Me: I wasn't finished.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (23)

Being In Prison

What's the difference between being in prison and being a corporate employee?
In prison you get free health care.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

The Heartfelt Greeting Card

Woman: "Do you have a greeting card which reads 'You are my first and last love'?"
Store keeper: "Yes ma'am, we do."
Woman: "Perfect! Give me 10 such cards!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

A Man with Glasses

Never hit a man with glasses...
Use your fists instead.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.07/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (15)

Dead End Street

I live on a dead end street.
It is electrically deficient.
There are no outlets!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

Wife Is Being Unfaithful

How can you tell if your wife is being unfaithful?
You move from Chicago to Seattle and you still have the same mailman.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.64/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (14)

Definition of a Bachelor

What is the definition of a bachelor?
A man who doesn't have to leave the party just as he's beginning to enjoy himself.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.13/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (16)

Couples Time

Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships just don't work out.

#joke #short #sport #gym
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.67/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (15)

Buffalo's Milk

"Mom says that drinking a buffalo's milk makes us smarter."
"She's lying. If it did make one smarter, then the buffalo's calves would be scientists."

#joke #short #animal #buffalo #drinks #milk #mother #mom
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

Early Morning Make-Up

A wife started doing her make up as soon as she woke up.
Her husband asked the reason.
She replied, "I have locked my phone with facial recognition. And it's not recognizing me without makeup."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.71/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (17)

Are You Reading That?

I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper when a guy comes over and asks, "Are you reading that?"
I didn’t know what to say. So I said, "Yes."
I then stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.58/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (12)

House of Representatives

After serving for several years in the House of Representatives, Charlie decided to run for a seat in the Senate.
A fellow congressman asked Charlie why he was making this change.
Charlie explained: "My wife wanted me out of the house."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (14)

What does a Polish girl get on her wedding...

What does a Polish girl get on her wedding night that’s long and hard?
- New last name
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 9.07/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (15)

Prisoner Escaped

Two prison guards are changing shifts in the morning.
“You know that a prisoner ran off in the night?”
The other guard sighs, “Ah finally, no more of that dang hammering!”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Affordable Luxury

Customer: "I’m looking for something cheap but high quality."
Salesperson: "You’re in luck! This pen writes just like a $100 pen."
Customer: "How much is it?"
Salesperson: "$99.99."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Mr. Aging

As Mr. Aging was browsing through an old newspaper, he read aloud to his wife a news item about men losing their memory cells faster than women do.
"It must be true," she said. "That's the second time you've read that article to me."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

A teen boy is buying a pack of condoms for the first time…

A teen boy is buying a pack of condoms for the first time.
He sees the price is $10 but when he goes to pay it the register rings it up as $10.65.
“What’s this 65 cents about?” He asks. The cashier says “it’s for the tax.”
“Ah. I was wondering how you keep these things on.”
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 9.44/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (9)

I've always wanted to start a company called...

I've always wanted to start a company called "Thank You for Calling How May I help You"

Then my receptionist will have to answer the phone like "Thank you for calling Thank You for Calling How May I Help You, how may I help you?"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Jokes Archive

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