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Short jokes - funny one liners (41 to 80)

Short jokes - funny one liners (41 to 80)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 41 to 80.

All We Can Afford

(Husband to wife) If I could write a check for a million dollars, I could afford to be eccentric.
(Wife) Keep working at it honey, at this point in time you can only afford to be delusional.

#joke #short #food #honey
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.22/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (18)

The Prime Minister

When my wife told me that the Prime Minister of Canada got re-elected, I thought she was lying.
It’s Trudeau.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.07/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (15)

Good and Bad News

The doctor took Dan into the room and said, "Dan, I have some good news and some bad news."
Dan said, "Give me the good news."
"They're going to name a disease after you."

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.38/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (8)

The Forgotten Name

Two old friends met by chance on the street.
After chatting for some time one said to the other, "I'm terribly sorry, but I've forgotten your name. You'll need to tell me".
The other stared at him thoughtfully for a long time, then replied, "How soon do you need to know?"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.22/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (18)

Affording A New Mansion

How did the Dermatologist and the Dentist afford their new mansion?
By the skin of their teeth.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

Ocean Leaks

Why doesn't the ocean leak?
Because it has Seals.

#joke #short #animal #seal
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

Hospital Sign

A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' mess saying:
"Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous."
Underneath, a nurse had written:
"The last five are pretty risky, too."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (14)

Dentist's Office

Why wouldn't the dentist display his awards?
He wanted to prevent plaque buildup.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

It's Not for the Animals

When I met my now wife, I asked if she was vegetarian because she really loved animals.
She responded, "No, I just really hate vegetables."

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

Just Say We're Busy

The psychiatrist pulls the new nurse to the side.
"Is something wrong, Doctor?" she asks.
The psychiatrist takes a moment before answering, "Just say we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse.'"

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

The Dead Baker

Why couldn't the police identify the dead baker?
He was a John Dough!

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

Love Me After Marriage

A married couple were quarreling.
Wife: You said you would love me more after marriage?
Husband: I did, but I didn't think you would say yes.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

Actuary vs. Mafia

What's the difference between an insurance company actuary and a mafia actuary?
An insurance company actuary can tell you how many people will die this year.
A mafia actuary can name them.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Ineffective Pain Pills

"Evidently, my pain pills are not working."
"Why do you say that?"
"Well, you're still here."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (11)

Great Presidents

George Washington was such a great president.
He never blamed any of the country's problems on the previous administration.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (11)

Confucius Says...

Confucius says...
"Man who stands in front of car gets tired, man who stands behind car gets exhausted."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.62/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (13)

Raised As An Only Child

I was raised as an only child.
That got on my brother’s nerves.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (11)

Keen Advice

Always follow your dreams!
Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.17/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (6)

A Bee from America

What do you call a bee that comes from America?
A USB!

#joke #short #animal #bee
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

His True Love

"Darling, I just called to tell you how awesome you are. You really are the love of my life…"
"Sir, I’m sorry, this is a brewery!"
"Oh, I know…"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.07/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (15)

One Minute Birthday

Did you hear about the old man whose birthday one year lasted only one minute?
It was his sixty-second birthday.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (11)

Are You Eating Right

A woman goes to her doctor. She has a breadstick up her nose, a potato in her right ear and string bean in her left ear.
She says, "Doctor, can you help me? I don't feel well, and I cannot figure out what's wrong."
The doctor replies; "Well, you are clearly not eating properly."

#joke #short #doctor #food #potato #eating
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

The Announcement of My Death

Jerry was sitting down for breakfast one morning when he was astonished to see in the paper an announcment of his own death.
He called his friend at once, "Jim, have you seen the announcement of my death in the paper?"
Jim replied, "Yes, and exactly where are you calling from?"

#joke #short #food #breakfast
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.44/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (9)

True Love

Boyfriend: "Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Robert. I don't have a mansion like Gary. I don't have a Porsche like Martin. But I do love you and I want to marry you."
Girlfriend: "Oh dear, I love you too... what was that you said about Martin?"

#joke #short #food #honey
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.87/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (15)

Labor Distraction

When my wife was in labor, I would tell her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn’t seem amused.
It must have been the delivery.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.26/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (19)

Valentine's Day Date

This may be surprising for many of my friends, but I happen to have a date for Valentine's Day...
It's February 14.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (14)

Two Short Jokes

Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke?
Joke, joke, joooooooooooooke...

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

What Do You Get

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
...

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.38/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (8)

Hospitalized Painter

Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?
His doctor says it was due to too many strokes.

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.07/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (15)

The Diving Board

A man was on the very top diving board of a swimming pool.
He was poised, he lifted his arms, and was about to dive in when the attendant came running up, shouting, “Don’t dive, there’s no water in that pool!”
“That’s all right!” said the man. “I can’t swim!”

#joke #short #sport #swimming #diving
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.73/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (11)

They Walked On In

A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar...
No joke.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.29/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (7)

Don't Challenge Death To A Pillow Fight

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight...
Don't do it unless you are ready for the reaper cushions!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (13)

What's Wrong, Doc?

"What’s wrong, Doctor? You look puzzled.”
“I can’t figure out exactly what’s wrong with you. I think it’s the result of heavy drinking.”
“Well then, I’ll just come back when you’re sober.”

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Missing Taxi Driver

Magistrate: "What was he doing when you arrested him?"
Policeman: "He was arguing with a taxi driver, Your Honor."
Magistrate: "That is no proof he was drunk."
Policeman: "Well, Your Honor, there was no taxi driver there."

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (12)

Why Cats Are Smarter

"You know how you can tell that cats are smarter?"
"How?"
"Ever see eight cats pulling a sled through snow?"

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Ambulance or Police?

One night a husband and wife were sleeping and suddenly the wife woke up.
"Honey, wake up! I think there’s a burglar downstairs, and it sounds like they're eating the cake I made!” said the wife.
Half asleep, the husband answers, "So should I call the police or the ambulance?”

#joke #short #policeman #food #cake #honey #eating
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.38/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (8)

They Need Ideas

Frustrated, the teen storms into his sister's bedroom. "Why are adults are always asking us what we want to be when we grow up?"
Without hesitation the sister replies, "It's because they’re looking for ideas.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.71/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (14)

Anniversary Gift

She: "Sweetheart, what's your gift for our 25th anniversary?"

He: "A trip to Thailand."

She: "That's amazing! And what about when we hit our 50th anniversary?" she asked.

He: "That's when I come back to get you."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.73/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (11)

Phone Issues

I just love it when you are at a play or movie theater and they make the announcement, "Please silence your cell phones..."
Why do they have to announce that?
I mean how many people are carrying around a landline phone?

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Both Sides Of The Law

A police officer arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree.
The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, "Are you seriously hurt?"
"How should I know?" the man answers, "I'm not a lawyer!"

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.58/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (12)

Jokes Archive

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