Best New JokesThe best jokes in the last four weeks. Top 25 jokes rated by site visitors. |
Lottery Winnings
I won $3 million on the Lottery this weekend. I decided to donate a quarter of it to Charity.
Now I have $2,999,999.75!
New Skunk Band
Did you hear about the skunks that started a boy band?
They are calling themselves "The Back Streak Boys"!
Difference Between In-laws and Out-laws
What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are usually wanted.
The Angry Wife
One evening I was in a bar talking to my friend.
"Last night, while I was out drinking, a burglar broke into my house.."
"Did he get anything?" asked my friend.
"Yes," I said.
"A broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. My wife thought it was me coming home drunk!"
Who Gets What?
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her math classes:
"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"
After a very long silence in the classroom, little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, little Morris answered, "A good lawyer."
Elderly Honeymooners
Did you hear about the ninety-two-year old man who married a woman of eighty-four?
They spent their entire honeymoon getting out of the car.
Near-sex Experience
I just had a near-sex experience…
My whole wife flashed before my eyes.
Hand-Me-Downs
Joe: When I would wear my hand-me-downs to school, all the boys would make fun of me.
Moe: What did you do?
Joe: I hit them over the head with my purse.
Playing It Safe
Two men, both married, were discussing their lives. Suddenly one says," You know, I think I would like to die before my wife."
"Why is that?" asked the other.
"Because if she's there when I arrive, she'll be telling a lot of things about me. I want to clear my account before that."
