The best jokes (106 to 120)

After Dinner Routine

Both my wife and I are bad cooks.
Our cooking is so bad, that our kids have started praying after we've had dinner.

Eating Out

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.
The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"
"Yes" she replies. "He's my ex-husband and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."
"That's remarkable" the husband replies. "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."    

Go For Broke

Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE!”
I’m happy to report that I succeeded.

Times Change

"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford.
Then I want to move in with them."

Mansplaining ... and few more short fresh jokes

My wife asked me what "mansplaining" means
...now what am I supposed to do?

If you spell the words "Absolutely Nothing" backwards, you get "Gnihton Yletulosba" ...
…which ironically means Absolutely nothing.

I was feeling depressed. So my wife put her hand on my shoulder and said: "Earth."
That meant the world to me.

I worked really hard on a party to blend my Mexican and Norwegian heritage, but in the end it was just a big disappointment.
What did I expect from a Fjord Fiesta.

I have a pen that can write underwater
It can write other words as well

If I Had A Dollar

If I had a dollar for every time someone tells me to grow up...
I could build the coolest tree house ever!

Top 10 jokes of the 2023 Edinburgh Fringe

Edinburgh Fringe 2023, the funniest joke: Lorna Rose Treen's zookeeper pun:

"I started dating a zookeeper,
but it turned out he was a cheetah."
~Lorna Rose Treen.

Here are the rest of the top 10 jokes:

"The most British thing I've ever heard?
A lady who said 'Well I'm sorry, but I don't apologise.'"
~Liz Guterbock.

"Last year I had a great joke about inflation.
But it's hardly worth it now."
~Amos Gill.

"When women gossip we get called bitchy;
but when men do it's called a podcast."
~Sikisa.

"I thought I'd start off with a joke about The Titanic
- just to break the ice."
~Masai Graham.

"How do coeliac Germans greet each other?
Gluten tag."
~Frank Lavender.

"My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight.
Now he only ever goes into Starbucks, not the rivals.
He's Costa-phobic."
~Roger Swift.

"I entered the 'How not to surrender' competition and
I won hands down."
~Bennett Arron.

"Nationwide must have looked pretty silly
when they opened their first branch."
~William Stone.

"My grandma describes herself as being in her 'twilight years'
which I love because they're great films."
~Daniel Foxx.

Six fresh jokes

Six fresh jokes to start weekend with laugh

What's the opposite of a microwave?
A tsunami.

I saw a guy and a girl doing high fives in a chemistry lab
and I thought, "wow they be bonding."

My doctor advised me to cut down on my sodium intake.
I took his advice with a pinch of salt.

Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.

"Your underwear is much too tight and revealing," I said to my wife.
She replied, "Wear your own then."

I saw a book at the store today called "How to end 50% of your problems"
I bought two.

Help Me Please

I think I may need professional help...
A chef, a butler, and a maid should do it.

Contortionist Who Passed Away

Did you hear about the contortionist who passed away?
He died in his own arms.

Good Morning, Bill

You know you're having a bad day when...
Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.

The Announcement of My Death

Jerry was sitting down for breakfast one morning when he was astonished to see in the paper an announcment of his own death.
He called his friend at once, "Jim, have you seen the announcement of my death in the paper?"
Jim replied, "Yes, and exactly where are you calling from?"

A Pygmy with a club

After walking for a few minutes, he sees a dead elephant lying on its side and a pygmy jumping up and down with excitement on top of the fallen elephant. The adventurer inquires as to what is going on.

"The elephant, sir," explains the pygmy. "The elephant has gone mad. 'Tis terrible. Elephants are wise and friendly, but when an elephant goes mad, it destroys everything in its path. It cannot be reasoned with, no sir, and it cannot be helped in any way. Unfortunately, when it happens, the elephant has to be put down."

The adventurer inquires, "But how did you kill such a gigantic animal?"

"I killed it with a club," helpfully explains the pygmy.

"It must have been a big club," observes the adventurer.

"Yes, sir, a very big club indeed," says the pygmy. "We have over 300 members!"

A teen boy is buying a pack of condoms for the first time…

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus...

The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The young man replied, Well your Honor, it was like this : When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, “The Double Mint Twins are coming” and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, “Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling”, and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, “William’s Big Stick Did the Trick”, and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, “Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident”, I just lost it.

“CASE DISMISSED !!"