The best jokes (121 to 135)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 121 to 135. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
A man running late for his once in a lifetime dream...
A man running late for his once in a lifetime dream job interview is frantically trying to find a parking spot in a packed lot...Time is not on his side, and he starts to panic. In his last ditch attempt, he turns to the skies, and begs: “God, please, help me out here. I’ll do anything… I’ll quit smoking. I’ll stop drinking. I’ll donate money to charity.” As soon as he finishes his plea, the skies open up, and the bright light shines on to an empty parking space. The man holds up his hand, and goes: “Never mind, I found one”.
The CEO calls a young employee into his office...
The CEO calls a young employee into his office.CEO: When you joined the company, you were just an intern. Within a year, I promoted you from intern to associate, from associate to manager, and from manager to senior manager. I keep promoting you because I recognized your talent and hard work. Today, I’ve called you in to tell you that I’m preparing to promote you to vice president. Do you have anything to say?”
The young man replies, “Thanks.”
CEO: “Thanks? Is that really all you have to say to me?”
After thinking for a while, the young man finally spoke:
“Thanks, Dad.”
Frank Sinatra
A guy walked into the restroom at a restaurant in LA, and realized that the guy at the sink washing his hands was Frank Sinatra. He greeted Frank, and told him he was a huge fan. Frank smiled and thanked him. Then he told Frank he was with a date and wanted to impress her. Telling Frank his name was Bob, he asked Frank if he could come and greet him by name at his table. "No problem" said Frank and he went back to his table.About ten minutes later Frank walked up to the table and said, "Hey Bob, long time no see."
Without looking up, Bob said, "Fuck off Frankie, can't you see I'm busy?"
My Old Kentucky Home
An older man at the evening function bowed his head and wept quietly but copiously while while a young woman rendered the plaintive ballad, "My Old Kentucky Home."
The hostess tiptoed up to him and inquired tenderly, "Pardon me, are you a Kentuckian?"
"Nay, madam," the tearful one replied, "I'm a musician."
Why is 9 afraid of 3?
A joke my son told me: Why is 9 afraid of 3?Because he was squared of him.
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed…
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed,Observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.
Since her birthday was not far off
He asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
'I'd like to be twelve again', she replied,
Still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops,
And then took her to Alton Towers theme park.
What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park;
The Death Slide, the Corkscrew,
The Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there Was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.
Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a Mc Donald's
Where he ordered her a Happy Meal
With extra fries and a chocolate shake..
Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn,
A huge Cola, and her favourite sweets......M&M's..
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband
And collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile
And lovingly asked,
'Well Dear, what was it like being twelve again?'
Her eyes slowly opened
And her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you idiot!!!!'
Great short jokes for mid-week laugh
Sadly my obese parrot just died.
But it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
As I was sitting drinking my morning cup of tea in my slippers, I thought to myself...
I really must wash some cups!
"999. Which emergency service do you require?"
"What time is the next train out of Victoria station?"
"Sir, that is not an emergency."
"It most certainly is, I'm tied to the tracks!"
Airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control.
But cases continue to rise.
A midget walks into a library and asked the librarian if there are any books about irony.
The librarian says yes it’s on the top shelf.
How many beans should you put in a pot of chili?
239. Just one more and it'll be too-farty.
My friend decided to get a face tattoo of his favourite Star Wars character…
You should have seen the Luke on his face!
My wife was blaming me for ruining her birthday
that's ridiculous, I didn't even know it was her birthday.
My wife was mad at me because I only spent half a minute celebrating her birthday
In my defense, she told me it was her 32nd birthday
How can you convert dollars to pounds?
By visiting McDonalds
She took me upstairs, got me to take all my clothes off and tied me to the bed..
And that’s why we aren’t allowed in IKEA anymore.
Two bored male casino dealers are waiting at the craps table...
Two bored male casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blond woman arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” With that, she strips down, rolls the dice, and yells, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!” As the dice come to a stop she jumps up and down and squeals, “YES! YES! I WON, I WON!”
She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departs. The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, “What did she roll?” The other answers, “I don’t know—I thought you were watching.”
A wealthy merchant of 84 marri...
A wealthy merchant of 84 married a 25 year old fashion model. They had a wonderful honeymoon in Aruba but, unfortunately, the old boy suffered a coronary and was hospitalized. When his young wife came to see him, the old man said, "Sweetheart, your future has been taken care of regardless of what happens to me. You will have an income of $250,000 a year, my home in Palm Springs, my ranch in Texas, my Mercedes. You'll never need to worry about money."
"Oh, sweetheart, please don't talk that way," his young wife exclaimed. "You've been so good to me already. If you go, I'll be devastated. Oh, there must be something I can do to help you. Please, tell me what I can do?"
"Well," the old man gasped, "you can quit pinching the inlet tube to my oxygen supply for starters."
Butler
The minister and his wife place an ad for a butler. Early the next morning a nicely dressed young man appears at their front door. The minister asks him, "Can you fix breakfast by 7:00 a.m. every day?""Well ... I guess I can."
"And can you make the beds, dust the living room, do the dishes, cut the grass, and polish the silver also?"
"Gee, Sir, I just came by to see about getting married. But if it's going to be that much work, you can count me out!"
Did You See the Joke?
Did anyone see the joke I posted recently about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
