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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 22 January 2026

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 22 January 2026

Christmas shopping...

It is the Christmas season and the judge is in a benevolent mood. He asks the accused man, "Well, Mr. Jones, what crime were you accused of committing this time of the year ?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early, your honor," replies Mr. Jones humbly.

"That's no crime," comments the judge. "What time did you do your early Christmas shopping?"

"Just before the store opened."

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 February 2017
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (12)

In the Beginning…

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth, and then He rested.
Then God created man, and then they both rested.
Then God created woman, and since then neither God nor man has ever rested.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 January 2010
  • Currently 6.30/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (70)

A man walks in a bank, pulls o...

A man walks in a bank, pulls out a gun, and robs the bank...
Then he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me
rob this bank?"
The customer replies, "YES!"
The robber raises his gun, points to his head and BANG!!!!!... shoots him
in the head and kills him!
He then moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "DID ...
YOU ... SEE ... ME ... ROB THIS BANK????"
The man calmly responds, "No ... But My Wife Did!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 January 2010
  • Currently 7.53/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (59)

The Sparrow

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly decided to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to Earth in a barnyard, nearly frozen solid. A cow passed by where he had fallen, and crapped on the little sparrow.The sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings!
Warm and happy, able to breath, he started to sing.
Just then a large cat came by, and hearing the chirping he investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird, and promptly ate him.
The Moral of the Story:
Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy
Everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend.
And if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, you might just want to keep your mouth shut.
#joke #animal #cat #bird #cow #sparrow
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 January 2011
  • Currently 7.27/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (48)

Wish Comes True

Carlos told his wife he wanted a guitar to play while sitting in the Jacuzzi. “The next day she bought him an electric guitar.”
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 January 2015
  • Currently 7.89/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (45)

I promise you cannot read thes...

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh outloud! These are real notes written from parents in a Mississippi schooldistrict. (Spellings have been left intact.)
My son is under a doctor's care and should not takeP.E. today. Please execute him.
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick andI had her shot.
Dear School: Please ekscuse John Henry being absenton Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33
Please excuse Gloria Jean from Jim today. She isadministrating
Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days.Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
John has been absent because he had two teeth takenout of his face.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he playingfootball. He hurt in the growing part.
Ethel Pearl could not come to school today because shehas been bothered by very close veins.
Please xcuse LeRoy from school, he ain't got no raincot and it was missing rain.
Please excuse Bowdiddly fom school cause he uncledied. Bow say, "I sho glad it want me."
Lugene will not be in school cus he has an acre in hisside .
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has veryloose vowels.
Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. Hehad(diahre)(dyrea)(direathe) the s----. [Words werecrossed out in the ( )'s}
Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. Hehad diarrhea and his boots leak.
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed hisbust.
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father'sfault.
I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmasshopping because I don't know what size she wear.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found itMonday, we thought it was Sunday.
Sally won't be in school a weak from Friday. We haveto attend her funeral.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she wastired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
Please excuse Willie being absent yesterday. He had acold and could not breed well.
Please excuse Mary Ann for being absent yestitty. Shewas in bed with gramps.
Lizie was absent yesterday as she was having agangover.
Please excuse Brenda, she been sick and under thedoctor.
Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had afever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick,fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and achedall over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must besomething going around, her father even got hot last night.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 January 2015
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (32)

Two-timer

Mrs. Donnell said to her maid: "Oh Mary, I suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary."

"I don't believe it," Mary snapped: "you're just saying that to make me jealous."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 01 October 2014
  • Currently 8.21/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (14)

The Cab Ride

A cab driver pulled up at a stop sign near Central Park in New York. A stark naked woman jumped out from behind a bush, opened the back door of the cab and demanded to be taken to the airport. The cab driver kept looking back at his passenger in the rear view mirror, and she became irritated and said, "Why do you keep staring at me?" The cab driver replied, "Well, you don't have any clothes on and no place to carry any money and I am wondering how you are going to pay your fare?"
The woman opened her legs and pointed to her crotch and said, "How about me paying with this?"

The cab driver looked back at the woman and said, "Do you have anything smaller?"    

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 11 July 2022
  • Currently 3.07/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (15)

Anniversary Gift

She: "Sweetheart, what's your gift for our 25th anniversary?"

He: "A trip to Thailand."

She: "That's amazing! And what about when we hit our 50th anniversary?" she asked.

He: "That's when I come back to get you."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 31 January 2024
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

The children were lined up in ...

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
#joke #fruit #apple #food #lunch #chocolate
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 08 April 2009
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (39)

I asked Kermit the F...

“I asked Kermit the Frog what I should use to join the pieces of metal, but all he said was, 'Rivet, rivet.'”

#joke #short #animal #frog
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 28 September 2015
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

Sheng Wang: Man With a Comb Over

If you can show me a man with a comb over, I can show you a man who thinks that by crushing a bag of chips, you make more chips.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 June 2012
  • Currently 5.66/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (50)

Windows frozen, won't open.

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 January 2017
  • Currently 8.32/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (19)

The Weakest Link

Diner: "I would like a cup of coffee, please."
Waiter: "I'm very sorry, sir, but I'm afraid we're fresh out of coffee today; our coffee maker has been completely exhausted."
Diner: "I'm not surprised, due to how weak it's been lately."

#joke #short #drinks #coffee
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 September 2023
  • Currently 2.57/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (14)

Three Men

When I asked my boss for a salary rise because I was doing the work of three men.
He said he couldn't increase my pay, but if I told him the names of the three men he'd fire them.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 23 June 2023
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (12)

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