Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 11 February 2026
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 11 February 2026 |
What guys really mean...
'I'm going fishing.'Really means... 'I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid
and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish
swim by in complete safety.'
'It's a guy thing.'
Really means.... 'There is no rational thought pattern
connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making
it logical.'
'Can I help with dinner?'
Really means... 'Why isn't it already on the table?'
'Uh huh,' 'Sure, honey,' or 'Yes, dear.'
Really means... Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned
response.
'It would take too long to explain.'
Really means... 'I have no idea how it works.'
'I'm getting more exercise lately.'
Really means... 'The batteries in the remote are dead.'
'We're going to be late.'
Really means... 'Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like
a maniac.'
'Take a break, honey, you're working too hard.'
Really means....'I can't hear the game over the vacuum
cleaner.'
'That's interesting, dear.'
Really means... 'Are you still talking?'
'Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love.'
Really means... 'I forgot our anniversary again.'
'You expect too much of me.'
Really means... 'You want me to stay awake?'
'That's women's work.'
Really means... 'It's difficult, dirty, and thankless.'
'You know how bad my memory is.'
Really means... 'I remember the theme song to 'F Troop',
the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle
Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I
forgot your birthday.'
'Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal.'
Really means... 'I have severed a limb, but will bleed to
death before I admit I'm hurt.'
'I do help around the house.'
Really means... 'I once put a dirty towel in the laundry
basket.'
'Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing.'
Really means... 'I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty
soon.'
'I can't find it.'
Really means... 'It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so
I'm completely clueless.'
'What did I do this time?'
Really means... 'What did you catch me doing?'
'I heard you.'
Really means... 'I haven't the foggiest clue what you just
said, and I'm hoping desperately that I can fake it well
enough so that you don't spend the next days yelling at
me.'
'You look terrific.'
Really means... 'Oh, God, please don't try on one more
outfit. I'm starving.'
'I missed you.'
Really means... 'I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are
hungry and we are out of toilet paper.'
'I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are.'
Really means... 'I'm lost. I have no idea where we are,
and no one will ever see us alive again.'
'We share the housework.'
Really means... 'I make the messes, you clean them up.'
'This relationship is getting too serious.'
Really means... 'You're cutting into the time I spend with
my truck.'
'I don't need to read the instructions.'
Really means... 'I am perfectly capable of screwing it up
without printed help.'
A little old lady is walking d...
Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, "Ma'am, There are $20 bills falling out of your bag."
"'Oh, really? Darn!" says the little old lady. "I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me.."
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?' You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes."
"Well, that seems only fair." laughs the cop. "OK? Good Luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?''
"Well, you know", says the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
I love this story – from the blonde files
A beautiful young model boarded a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looked at the seats in economy, and then looked into the forward cabin at the luxurious first-class seats.
Seeing that the first-class seats appeared to be much larger and more comfortable, she moved forward to the last empty seat in first-class.
The flight attendant checked her ticket and told the woman that her seat was in economy.
The blonde replied, 'I'm a famous model, and I’ve never had this problem before. I'm going to sit here all the way, until we get to New York.'
Flustered, the flight attendant went to the cockpit and informed the captain of the problem. The captain went back and told the woman that her assigned seat was in economy.
Again, the blonde replied: 'I'm a famous model. I'm sitting here all the way to New York.”
The captain didn’t want to cause a commotion, and so returned to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the co-pilot.
The co-pilot said that he used to date a model like her, and that he could take care of the problem. He then went back and briefly whispered something in the blonde's ear.
She immediately got up and said, 'okay, thank you'. She then hugged the co-pilot, and rushed back to her seat in the economy section.
The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, asked the Co-pilot what he had said to the woman.
He replied, 'I just told her that the first-class seats aren't going to New York.'
Charge By The Inch
An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her, "Hey ! How about it babe ? You and me ?"
As she got up to move, he said loudly, "Honey, you sure look like you could use the money, but I don't have an extra two dollars."
She looked back and replied just as loudly, "What makes you think I charge by the inch ?"
A couple is trying to have a b...
Children and Cars
Children in the backseat can cause accidents.
Accidents in the backseat can cause children.
Louisiana Highway Department e...
The old farmer said, 'OK, but don't get out in that pasture over there.'
The Highway Dept. employee flashed out his identification card andsaid, 'I have the authority of the State of Louisiana to go anywhere I want.See this card? I will go wherever I wish.'
So the old farmer went about his chores.It wasn't too much later when the farmer heard loud screams and yelling.
He looked over and saw several Highway Department employees running fortheir lives and right behind was the farmer's huge prize bull. The bull was madder than a hornet's nest and was gaining on the Highway employees at every step.
The old farmer yelled out, 'Show him your card, Smart Ass.... Show himyour card!!
Lack of Vision
A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called Georges wife and said, Your husbands test results were fine, but he said something strange that has been bugging me. He claims that God turns the light on and off for him when uses the bathroom at night. Thelma exclaimed, That old fool! Hes been peeing in the refrigerator again!
God is Watching
I have low self-esteem
I have low self-esteem; when we were in bed together, I would fantasise that I was someone else.
Richard Lewis (June 29 1947-)
Picture: Startraks Photo/REX
Hunter Shot By Fox
Hunter Shot to Death By a Fox, Belgrade, Associated Press
A fox shot and killed a 38-year-old hunter in central Yugoslavia, the official Yugoslav news agency Tanjug reported yesterday.
Salih Hajdur, a farmer from the village of Gornje Hrasno in the Republic of Bosnia-Hercegovina, went to a nearby forest Sunday to shoot a fox, Tanjug said.
Hajdur wounded a fox in the leg, the agency said, but to spare the skin he did not fire again. Instead, he hit the animal with his refle butt. The struggling animal triggered a shot that hit Hajdur in the chest and killed him instantly, Tanjug said. The fox died later, Tanjug added.
One day a man spotted a lamp b...
"I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said.
The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job, a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try."
"Poof!" said the genie. "You're a housewife."