Jokes of the day for Monday, 12 January 2026
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 12 January 2026 |
Break in....
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.
"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."
The boss screamed: "We had $100 when we broke in!"
A guy walks into a bar...........
A guy walks into a bar...........He orders a drink........... after a few.......... he must visit the john.
he does not want anyone to steal his drink. so he puts a sign on it. saying, , " I SPIT IN THIS BEER, DO NOT DRINK'.
after a few minutes he returns........... There is another sign next to his beer, saying, SO DID I.
The leading causes of death in...
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. CancerEven when the man is listening what wife liked for her birthday
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, soda, and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"
One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."
The moral of this story: Even when the man is listening, he's still gonna get it wrong.
Jo Koy: Three-Year-Old Son
Ive got a three-year-old son. Its like living with a crazy midget. Animal Super Bowl
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"
"I did," said the centipede.
"Who stopped the rhino?"
"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.
"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"
"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.
"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.
"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."
A young man was walking throug...
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently." "I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?" "Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother'? It would make me feel so much better." "Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!" As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" He asked, "I only purchased a few things!" "Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.
Work virus
There is a dangerous virus going around. It is called WORK.
If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else, via e-mail or any other means, DO NOT TOUCH IT! This virus wipes out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK, put on your jacket, take two good friends and go straight to the nearest pub.
Order the antidote known as BEER. Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
Forward this warning immediately to at least 5 friends. Should you realize that you do not have 5 friends, this means that you are already infected and that WORK already controls your life.
REMEMBER, THIS VIRUS IS DEADLY!
Wrong Way
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him.
“Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on 280 interstate. Please be careful!”
“It’s not just one car,” said Herman. “It’s hundreds of them!”
This is a classic Cajun joke...
This is a classic Cajun joke. A pirogue is a shallow flat bottom boat common in Louisiana. Ol’ Thibodeaux was sitting on his porch one day lookin over da bayou, when he spied ol’ Boudreaux comin by in his pirogue. He said, “Boudreaux, what you got in dat boat wit you?”
Boudreaux said, “I got me some duck tape.”
“Where you going wit dat duck tape?” asked Thibodeaux.
Boudreaux said, “I’m going down to da marsh.”
“What you gonna do with duck tape in da marsh?
“I’m gonna catch me some ducks.”
“Now, hold on, Thibodeaux, you can’t catch with no ducks with no duck tape.”
“Well you watch me.” says Boudreaux, and he goes on by.
A few hours later, Boudreaux comes back from da marsh with a big pile of ducks in his pirogue, and he just waves at Thibodeaux.
Da next day, Boudreaux passes again, and dis time, he’s got a box of nutra-sweet in the pirogue. Thibodeaux says, “Boudreaux, where you going wit dat nutra-sweet?”
Boudreaux says, “I’m going down to da marsh to catch me some nutria rats.”
“Now hold on, Boudreaux.” says Thibodeaux. “You can’t catch Nutria rats with Nutra sweet.”
“Well you watch me.” says Broudreaux, and he goes on his way.
A few hours later, Boudreaux comes back, and he has a big pile of Nutria rats in his bayou. He just waves as he passes Thibodeaux.
The next day, Boudreaux is passing by Thibodreaux again, and Thibodeaux says, “Hey Boudreaux, where you going today?”
Boudreaux says, “I’m going into town.”
“Well what you got in dat boat with you?”
Boudreaux answers, “I got me some pussy willows.”
“Now hold, Boudreaux.” says Thibodeaux. “I’ll get my hat and go wit you.”
Quitting Drugs
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the 1st one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this...
o O
...and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge.
"And you, how did you do?", he asked the second boy, "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?!?", "Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles)
O o
I said (pointing to the small circle) "this is your asshole before prison, ..."
