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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 14 January 2026

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 14 January 2026

It's the drinking...

The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of the recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum.

"I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the doctor said. "I think it's the drinking."

"Okay," the patient said. "Can we get an opinion from a doctor who's sober?"

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 11 February 2017
  • Currently 8.86/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (28)

It's late, the bartender and a...

It's late, the bartender and a guy are the only ones left in the bar. The guy pushes his empty beer glass over to the edge of the counter, walks to the other end of the bar, and says to the bartender, "If I could spit from here, and get it in the glass without getting any anywhere else, would you give me $50?" The bartender, not seeing how this bet could be cheated, says, "ok, show me." The guy spits and makes it in the glass without getting any on the counter or the floor. The bartender say, "That's amazing! You deserve the $50!"

The next day, about noon, the guy's in the bar again, and says to the bartender, if I can do it again, but with 2 glasses side by side, would you give me $100? The bartender agrees, and the guys spits from across the bar and makes it in both glasses, without getting any anywhere else.

The evening rolls around, and the bartender sticks a bunch of glasses all over the bar. He then says to the guy, "if you can spit in all of these glasses at the same time, without getting any anywhere else, I'll give you $200" The guy says, "Sure, but I need a little time to get ready" So after a minute, the guy comes up, and procceds to spit everywhere at lightning speed. The bartender, seeing that the guy has missed ever single cup, jumps up and down for joy, screaming. The guys pays the bartender, and says, "I don't see what you're so happy about, I just bet the guy in the corner $500 that I could spit all over your bar, and you'd be happy about it."

#joke #drinks #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 14 January 2010
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (67)

Chuck Norris can juggle 12 bar...

Chuck Norris can juggle 12 bar stools when drunk but only 8 when sober.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 January 2012
  • Currently 2.26/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (50)

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I...

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of the world a man doesn’t know
his wife until he marries her”
Dad: That happens in every country, son
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 14 January 2011
  • Currently 8.29/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (41)

Computers are like air conditi...

Computers are like air conditioners. They work fine until you start opening windows.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 January 2012
  • Currently 7.78/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (36)

His favorite chocolate chip cookies....

An elderly man lay dying in his bed.

In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled down the stairs.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted: the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with aspatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."

#joke #food #chocolate
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 14 January 2011
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (35)

Looking Into Their Eyes

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
#joke #policeman #food #eating
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 03 November 2018
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (16)

Hearing Aid

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."  

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 23 December 2021
  • Currently 9.64/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (14)

Three women: one engaged, one...

Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided they needed to spice up their love lives. All three agreed to wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes that evening with their respective lovers.
After a few days they meet up for lunch and compared notes.
The engaged woman: "The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long."
The mistress: "Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night."
The married woman: "I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night when my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'"
#joke #food #lunch #dinner #mother
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 December 2015
  • Currently 9.13/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (16)

Chinese laundry

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."

"Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?"

So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.

The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?"

The old man answers, "Is name of owner."

The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"

"Me, is right here," replies the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"

"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, "What your name?" He say, "Hans Olaffsen." Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"

"I say, Sem Ting."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 21 August 2016
  • Currently 8.14/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (56)

Fast birthday party

My wife and I just celebrated her 32nd birthday yesterday.

It was the fastest birthday party we’ve ever had.

...

...

...

...

...

...

If you don't get it, read it out loud ... several times if needed.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 24 June 2020
  • Currently 3.22/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (18)

Running Out Of Fuel

My friend is notorious for waiting until the needle is on empty before filling his gas tank. Finally his car died on him, and we had to push it to the nearest filling station. After my friend finished pumping gas, the attendant asked if he had learned anything.
“Yeah,” my friend muttered, “I learned I have a 15-gallon tank.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 25 March 2020
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (12)

Six Feet

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband). All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?"
"Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he ain't gonna notice you here with me." The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in bed with Marge, so he trusted her advice. Sure enough, Marge's husband came crawling into bed and as he pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets, exposing six feet.
"Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!"
"Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again."
Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!"
"Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again."
The husband got out of bed, and counted. "One, two, three, four... By gosh, you're right, dear!"    

#joke #food #honey
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 12 July 2015
  • Currently 2.69/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (13)

How long...?

When the surgeon came to see Rita on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life.

"Uh, I hadn't really thought about it" replied the stunned surgeon.

"You're the first one ever to ask that after a nose job...."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 October 2015
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (17)

Hunting With A Wife

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. Ibn the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?"
The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife."
"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.
"My wife."
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 October 2015
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

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