Jokes of the day for Thursday, 23 April 2020
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 23 April 2020 |
Why does milk rong
Why does milk explore interstellar space when ingested by a seagull?Book now for the lec...
“Book now for the lecture on the expanding universe because space is limited.”
You Might Be A Redneck If 68
You might be a reneck if...
You can chew your own toenails.
You've ever used an inner-tube patch on your jeans.
You want the opening day of deer hunting season to be declared a national holiday.
Someone knocks on your front door and your back door rattles.
You let goldenrod grow in your yard because it looks so pretty.
You've ever absent-mindedly nibbled on your live bait . . . and didn't spit it out.
Your best Sunday clothes include your John Deere baseball cap.
You go to a wedding or any formal party and ask someone to pull your finger.
Your friend tells you he went online last night, and you think he took a drunk driving test.
Your mama has more tattoos than you do.
Rabbits vs. Wolves
Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of hungry wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket.
After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it, or should we stay here for a few days and out number them?"
To impress his date, the young
To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chic Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered."We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said.
"Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner."
Nothing personal....
"I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon."
"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied.
"It's not a reflection on you," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been been walking in his sleep since childhood."
The professor of a contract la
The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"The student replied, "Here's an orange."
The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"
The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him `I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'"
Mommy Mommy 03
Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere?
Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!
Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise.
Shut up and eat around it!
Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?
Shut up and eat your cornflakes!
Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa?
Shut up and get back in the box!
Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!
Shut up and comb your face!
Brian Posehn: Quitting Meat
Quitting pot? It was actually easier for me to become a vegetarian -- you know, quitting meat -- because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of meat. Miracle whip
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?A: Miracle Whip.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Subway Party
Two small-town merchants were visiting New York City for the first time to attend a conference. There was a large party thrown, with lots of food and drink. At the end of the party, they both staggered outside.
One guy crossed the street, while the other stumbled into a subway entrance.
When the 1st guy reached the other side of the street, he noticed the other emerging from the subway stairs.
"Where ya been?"
he slurred.
"I don't know," gushed the other guy, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!"
Writing Letters To Son
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping.
Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:
"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad."
My Horse Only Comes Out
My horse will only come out of its stable when it gets dark.
It's becoming a night mare.
Fish trap
This fisherman goes to the river to check an illegal fish trap that he owns. He looks around to make sure there are no Fishing Inspectors about and proceeds to pull the fish trap out to check it.
An Inspector steps out of the bushes, “Ahha!” he said and the fisherman spun around and yelled “Shiiiit!”. The Inspector, who wasn't expecting such a response said “Settle down, I'm the Fishing Inspector”. “Thank God for that” said the fisherman, “I thought you were the bugger who owned this fish trap”.
