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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 03 March 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 03 March 2009

Q: Have you e...

Q: Have you ever smelled mothballs?
A: Well, how did you spread their tiny legs?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 5.71/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (7)

How are men like mascara?
...

How are men like mascara?

Any sign of emotion and they're running!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (5)

A blonde came home from school...

A blonde came home from school one day and said to her mom, "I
can count higher then all the kids in my second grade class, do
you think it is because I am a blonde?" Her mother replied, "Of
couse it is, dear."
The next day, the blonde said, "I can say the alphabet higher
then anyone in my class, do you think it is because I am a
blonde?"
Her mother replied, "Of course it is dear!"
The next day the blonde came home from her gymnastics and asked
her mother, "I have bigger breasts then all the kids in my
class, do you think its because I am a blonde?"
Her mother replied, "No dear, I'm sorry, I think it is because
you are eighteen years old."
#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (9)

Moses on His Walkie Talkie

Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned at Sunday school.
"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.
"When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.
"Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (55)

After a year at sea, a sailor ...

After a year at sea, a sailor comes ashore, gets drunk, and runs to a brothel.

The old madam says, "All my girls are busy, but I'll take care of you."

He says, "I'm desperate, so you'll do."

They go into a room, and after a while, the madam says, "I may have winter in my hair, but I've got summer in my heart."

The sailor says, "Yeah, if you don't get a little more spring in your ass, we're gonna be here 'til Fall."
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (4)

You Might Be A Redneck If 47


You might be a redneck if...
On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"
You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Play Ball..."
You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
You bring your dog to work with you.
Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
You've ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.73/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (11)

Is honesty the best policy?

After two years of marriage, Tom was still questioning his wife about her lurid past.

"C'mon, tell me," Tom asked for the thousandth time, "how many men have you been with?"

"Baby, " she protested, "If I told you, you'd throw a fit."

Tom promised he wouldn't get angry, and convinced his wife to tell him.

"Okay," she said, then started to count on her fingers, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen.....”

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.63/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (8)

What is the most tired part of...

What is the most tired part of a car?
The exhaust.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

"How's your business doing?" "...

"How's your business doing?" "Well, I'm looking for a new receptionist." "But you only hired one last week!" "Yes, that's the one I'm looking for."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (3)

New National Anthem

Did you hear Clinton wants to change our national anthem?

The new anthem would be "Yank My Doodle It's A Dandy!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

Trap A Polar Bear

Q: How do you trap a polar bear? A: You cut a hole in the ice. Line it with peas. When the bear bends over to take a pee, you kick him in the icehole.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.43/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (7)

Hubby: You always carry my pho...

Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Hubby: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

Kids Food

My kids are so open to experiencing culture.
They'll try anything, from chicken tenders at an Indian restaurant to chicken tenders at a Mexican restaurant.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.26/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (19)

HAPPY FATHERS DAY

HAPPY FATHERS DAY - I love my dad
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

An older couple had a son, who...

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them.The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unableto decide about his career path, so they decided to do a smalltest.
They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey,and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hopinghe would think they weren't at home.
The father told the mother, "If he takes the money, he will bea businessman; if he takes the Bible, he will be a priest; butif he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will bea drunkard."
So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waitednervously, peeping through the keyhole they saw their sonarrive home.
He saw the note they had left, saying they'd be home later.Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against thelight, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took theBible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, hegrabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiffto be assured of the quality, then he left for his roomcarrying all the three items.
The father slapped his forehead, and said, "Damn! It's evenworse than I ever imagined..."
"What do you mean?" his wife inquired.
"He's gonna be a politician." the father replied.
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

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