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Jokes of the day for Monday, 30 March 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 30 March 2009

The seven dwarfs went off to w...

The seven dwarfs went off to work in the mine one day, while Snow White stayed at home to do the housework and cook their lunch.
However when she went to the mine to deliver their lunches, she found there had been a cave-in, and there was no sign of the dwarfs.
Tearfully she yelled in to the mine entrance: "hello - is anyone there. Can anyone hear me".
A voice floated up from the bowels of the mine:
" Australia will win the Rugby World Cup"
"Thank god" said Snow White "at least Dopey's still alive"
#joke
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (8)

Q: Why was th...

Q: Why was the blonde so excited when she finished her puzzle in 6 months?



A: Because the box said '2-4 Years'.
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (4)

SLIDESHOW #44 - Funny Photo Slideshow

The Devil And The Golfer

A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

A visitor to a college campus ...

A visitor to a college campus paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall. "It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway."

"Actually," said the guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."

"Oh? Was Joshua Hemingway a writer also?"

"Yes, indeed. He wrote a check."
#joke
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (5)

Do You Reject the Devil?

A priest came to a dying author to read him his last rites.
"Do you reject the devil?" asked the priest.
"This is no time to be making enemies," replied the author.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (40)

This nun was taking a bath, wh...

This nun was taking a bath, when there was a knock on the door.

"Who is it?," she cried.

"It's the blind man.," was the answer.

Says the nun, "Well, come on in and tell me your troubles."

In comes the man.

"Wow!" he says, "Where should I hang the blinds?"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

A guy goes into the doctors of...

A guy goes into the doctors office, he's got a banana stuck in each ear and grapes stuck up his nose. He tells the doc "I sure don't feel very good."

The doctor replies "Of course not, you're not eating right".
#joke #short #doctor
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (7)

Dad: Junior, how did you get y...

Dad: Junior, how did you get your clothes ripped? Son: I was trying to stop a boy from getting beat up. Dad: Oh? What boy? Son: Me!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 6.29/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (7)

Baldness...

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things.

"Mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother.

"He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.

Johnny thought for a second and said, "I'm glad you don't do any thinking. You would look silly without hair."

#joke
  • Currently 3.89/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (9)

What do you call two r...

What do you call two raincoats in a cemetery?
Max Bygraves.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

Obscene caller

Hello darling," breathed the obscene phone caller. "If you can guess what's in my hand, I'll give you a piece of the action."

"Listen Honey," drawled the lady, "If you can hold it in one hand, I ain't interested."

#joke #short
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

Jim Gaffigan: Bologna

Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Whos that for? I like my bologna like a martini. With an olive. Ill have the bologna sandwich -- dirty.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (6)

The children were lined up in...

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples'.
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (66)

Restaurant

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?  

#joke
  • Currently 8.32/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (19)

This is important information...

This is important information just in case.
Symptoms of the Bird Flu...
The Center for Disease Control has released a list ofsymptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of thefollowing, please seek medical treatment immediately:
1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to crap on someone's windshield.
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

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