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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 06 January 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 06 January 2011

How Many Women?

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. "How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

#joke #wedding
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.27/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (37)

Dear Pun Gents...

Dear Pun Gents, I need a team name for a charity treasure hunt. The themes are rabbits, film noir, and sleuthing in general. ~John, San Francisco (long-time fan)
#joke #short #animal #rabbit
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Farmer Joe was in his car when...

Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" said the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the...." "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question."
"Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'!"
Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."
Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.
I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"
#joke #lawyer #animal #mule
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Funny Photo of the day - How Do They Work?!

How Do They Work?! | Source : Jokes - Funny daily jokes
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (3)

Miss America

They wanted to allow divorced women to compete in the Miss America pageant. Was that a good idea?
Do you really want to hear, "My dreams for the future include world peace, and that my ex-husband gets killed by a bus."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.20/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (5)

Ten Thoughts to Ponder...

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

Number 2
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT...

America knows exactly where one cow with mad-cow disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but they haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe the USA should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.
#joke #animal #cow #fish #food #sandwich #hungry
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 6.53/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (53)

Would you like me to be your friend?

Kathy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help.

One day, during recess, Kathy noticed a young girl standing by herself on one side of the playing field while the rest of the kids were playing a game of soccer.

A while later, Kathy walked over to the young girl and offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"

The girl looked at Kathy suspiciously, then said hesitantly, "Okay, I guess so..."

"Why are you standing here all alone?" asked Kathy.

"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"

#joke #sport #soccer
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.43/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (7)

Explaining His Claim


A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim.
"I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered?" Stated the counsel for the insurance company.
"Yes, that's right," replied the farmer, nodding his head.
"You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied, 'I've never felt better inn my life.' Is that the case?"
"Yeah, but" stammered the farmer.
"A simple yes or not will suffice," counsel interrupted quickly.
"Yes," Replied the farmer.
Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask him questions. "Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health," his lawyer said.
"Certainly," replied the farmer. "After the accident my horse was thrashing around with a broken leg and my poor old dog was howling in pain. This cop comes along, takes one look at my horse and shoots him dead. "Then he goes over to my dog, looks at him and shoots him dead too. Then he come straight over to me and asked me how I was feeling. "Now, mate, what the heck would you have said to him?"

Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (4)

Addicted to Internet Porn

Signs Your Partner is Addicted to Internet Porn

- During foreplay, he's always double-clicking your G-spot.

- His new computer includes a DVD-ROM drive, a 56k modem, and a tissue dispenser.

- When she wants you to take off your pants, she says, "Scroll down."

- Tells everyone he's a pioneer in "palm computing."

- He's suing Playboy.com for repetitive stress injuries.

- Her favorite actor? Tommy Lee.

- When he sees a hot babe, he wryly says, "Boy, I'd like to click on her."

- You look deep into his eyes and see a faint image of Asia Carrera burned into his corneas.

- As you undress, he takes out his credit card and tells you his birthday.

- During sex, he shouts, "Refresh! Refresh!"

- His version of foreplay: You lie naked on the bed with a sheet covering you... he pulls it down slowly for ten minutes.

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (4)

Chad Daniels: Genetic Advancements

I cant wait until they could put wings on humans. Because when they could put wings on humans, they could put wings on pigs, and when they could put wings on pigs, lots of pretty girls from college owe me sex.
#joke #short #animal #pig
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (45)

Why do you run when a blonde t...

Why do you run when a blonde throws a pin at you ?????
She's holding the grenade
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 02 March 2010
  • Currently 5.56/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (9)

A brunette who really hated bl...

A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp. After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for. So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars.

'Every blonde in the world will get two million.' The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man.

'Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men.'

The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes. 'Now for your third wish.' said the genie.

'See that stick over there?', asked the brunette, 'I want you to beat me half to death with it.'

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 02 November 2009
  • Currently 5.82/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (72)

10 Things Men Know About Women

10 Things Men Know About Women

1.)
2.)
3.)
4.)
5.)
6.)
7.)
8.)
9.)
10.) They have breasts.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 January 2010
  • Currently 5.81/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (67)

Business one-liners 24

Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average.

Enough research will tend to support your theory.

Entropy has us outnumbered.

Error is often more earnest than truth.

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

Even if the grass is greener on the other side: they, like you, still have to cut it.

Even paranoids have enemies.

Every silver lining has a cloud around it.

Every solution breeds new problems.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 January 2010
  • Currently 7.18/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (22)

A husband returns home one nig...

A husband returns home one night to find his wife in bed with a naked man. "What are you doing?" he shouts. The wife turns to her lover and says, "I told you he was stupid!"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 January 2009
  • Currently 7.14/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (7)

The new baby

A young mother finds out she is pregnant again, and she tells the good news to anyone who will listen. One day when the woman and the boy are out shopping, a friend of the mother asks the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.

"Oh, yes!" the little tyke says. And having overheard some of his parents' private conversations, he adds, "And I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call it Mary, and if it's another boy we're going to call it Quits."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

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