Jokes of the day for Sunday, 10 April 2022
|Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 10 April 2022
Sure, I'm overweight andSure, I'm overweight and flatulent – but is that so flabber gas sting?
Employer: "We need someone responsible for this job."
Applicant: "Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible."
A man goes to the dentist to hA man goes to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The dentist takes out a needle to give the man a shot of Novocain. "No way, no needles, I can't stand needles."
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas but the man again objects. "No gas, the mask on my face is suffocating to me."
The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.
"No," said the patient "I'm fine with pills."
The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet."
The patient says, "Wow, I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain pill."
"It doesn't," said the dentist "but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull out your tooth."
Nuns on the highway...
A cop pulls over a car load of nuns....
Cop: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you going so slow?"
Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65."
Cop: "Oh sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!"
Sister: "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling.
Cop: "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something terrible."
Sister: "Oh, we just got off of highway 119."
Scene: A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder.
There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like he'll probably be convicted, resorts to a clever trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer says as he looks at his watch. "Within 1 minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this court room," he says and he looks toward the courtroom door.
The jury, somewhat stunned, all look on eagerly. A minute passes. Nothing happens. Finally the lawyer says: 'Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
The jury, clearly confused, retires to deliberate. A very few minutes later, the jury returns and a representative pronounces a verdict of guilty.
"But how?" inquires the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."
Answers the representative: "Oh, we did look. But your client didn't."
A plusA college girl was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible for her English class and the instructions were that it had to include Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.
She was the only one who received an A+ and this is what she wrote:
"Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it."
Submitted by Curtis
Did You Make A Donation?At the United Way in a fairly small town a volunteer worker noticed that the most successful lawyer in the whole town hadn't made a contribution. This guy was making about $600,000 a year so the volunteer thought, "Why not call him up?"
He calls up the lawyer.
"Sir, according to our research you haven't made a contribution to the United Way, would you like to do so?"
The lawyer responds, "A contribution? Does your research show that I have an invalid mother who requires expensive surgery once a year just to stay alive?"
The worker is feeling a bit embarrassed and says, "Well, no sir, I'm..."
"Does your research show that my sister's husband was killed in a car accident? She has three kids and no means of support!"
The worker is feeling quite embarrassed at this point. "I'm terribly sorry..."
"Does your research show that my brother broke his neck on the job and now requires a full time nurse to have any kind of normal life?"
The worker is completely humiliated at this point. "I am sorry sir, please forgive me..."
"The gall of you people! I don't give them anything, so why should I give it to you!"
Shane Mauss: Crazy ExpressionsExpressions are crazy. How about the one, What crawled up your ass and died? Thats a strange one; it means a persons in a bad mood or whatever. It doesnt make any sense. I think that one would be in a worse mood if said thing were still alive.
A motorist caught by a speed c...A motorist caught by a speed camera received notification of a fine in the mail, plus a picture of his vehicle. Duly impressed, he sent back the notification along with a photo of a $100 note to pay the fine.
Why can't you trust...
“Why can't you trust Satan's resume?
- The devil lies in the details.”
Walking To SchoolFather:
- "Son, when Abraham Lincoln was your age, he walked 12 miles to school."
- "Dad, when Abraham Lincoln was your age, he was President."
I just love wind. It...
“I just love wind. It blows me away.”
A blonde with two red ears wen...A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your other ear?"
"The jerk called back!"
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying:
"Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"
It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family are just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!
"Who's been eating my porridge?!" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty!
"Who's been eating my porridge?!" he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and screams, "For God's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? I haven't made the porridge yet!!"