Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 18 July 2023
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 18 July 2023 |
Tina Turner's daughter
Tina Turner's youngest daughter has already been called to the bar. She's a teen attorney.Shy pebble, and few more new funny jokes

What's the difference between toilet paper and curtains?
I don't know.
So it was YOU!
What’s it called when you steal your bike back from the thief?
Recycling.
My friend couldn't pay his water bill,
so I sent him a "get well soon" card
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
I was trying to steal some spaghetti from the local supermarket
... but the security lady saw me and I couldn't get pasta
I once met a shy pebble.
She wished she was a little bolder.
I think my wife had sixty one partners before me
…she calls me her sixty second lover
Earth is 70% water and uncarbonated.
Technically…
it is flat.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
That's Not Fare

Taxi driver: "That will be $3.50, please."
Passenger: "Oh dear, I'm afraid I'm a little short. Could you back up a little bit and make it $2.50, please?"
Sherlock Holmes in Heaven

Life cycle of software
The Life Cycle of Software- Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
- Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
- Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
- Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.
- See 3.
- See 4.
- See 5.
- See 6.
- See 7.
- See 8.
- Due to marketing pressure and an extremely pre-mature product announcement based on over-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
- Users find 137 new bugs.
- Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
- Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
- Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
- Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
- New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires programmer to redo program from scratch.
- Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
- See step 2
Potatoes!

'POTATOES POTATOES!'
John Mulaney: Women Friends

One day, a guy went into a sto...

He suddenly saw a statue of a rat made of bronze, and thought that it was interesting. He decided to buy it, and so he did.
The guy walked out of the store, carrying the statue in his arms. Suddenly some rats started following him.
He shrugged it off, and continued on his way.
As he walked along, more and more rats started following him, until all the rats in the city were behind him.
He suddenly realized that it was the statue that was doing this.
He headed towards the bay that resided next to the city, and threw the statue in. The rats followed, not caring about their immediate deaths.
The guy ran back to the store, and when he reached it, the store owner said, "No refunds".
The guy shook his head, and said, "No, no, I was wondering if you had any statues like the one I bought, only, shaped like a lawyer."
The Pastor's Wife

Only in America...

Moths

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!", and she pushed him into the closet stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him.
"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.
What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.
I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.
"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards!"
Eve's Steep Price

Where there's a will ...

Where there's a will – there's a relative!
Ricky Gervais (June 25 1961-)
Picture: Getty