Popular jokes (4966 to 4980)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Error Messages in Japan
In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft Error messages with Haiku poetry messages.
Haiku poetry has strict construction rules.
Each poem has only 3 lines, 17 syllables: five syllables in the first line, seven in the second, five in the third.
Haikus are used to communicate a timeless message, often achieving a wistful, yearning, and powerful insight through extreme brevity -- the essence of Zen.
Your file was too big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
-------------------------------
The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.
------------------------------
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
-----------------------------
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
------------------------------
Windows 10 crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
------------------------------
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
A sad-faced Doug walked into a...
A sad-faced Doug walked into a flower shop early one morning. The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, based on the look on Doug's face, but soon realized his assumption was wrong as Doug asked for a basket of flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary.
"And what day will that be?" the clerk asked.
Glumly he replied, "Yesterday".
Excuse For Speeding
A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks for the driver's license, the driver argued, "Speeding??? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car the the car in back of me."
Remove the curse
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation "I now pronounce you man and wife".
My wife is better
Jake and his buddy Fred visit a brothel. Jake goes into the room with the prostitute first while Fred waits outside.
When he's done, Jake closes the door behind him and says: "Don't waste your time. My wife's better."
But Fred goes in anyway. When he emerges 15 minutes later, he shakes his head in disappointment and says:
"Damn, Jake, you were right. Your wife is better."
Negotiations between union mem...
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing the sick-leave provisions set out by their contract.One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"
There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.
A union negotiator broke the silence in the room.
"Wow!" he said. "Just think of the score he could have had if he wasn't sick!"
He crashed while row...
“He crashed while rowing his boat and suffered a broken scull.”
Jinx
After 35 years of marriage, Bernie is lying on his deathbed.With a tear in his eye, he says, "Annabelle, before I die, I have to tell you something.
The first year we were together, I caught pneumonia and almost died. You sat by my bed and nursed me back to health."
She nods her head solemnly as he continues. "And when I lost half my family in a car crash, you were by my side.
When our children grew up and left our home, you sat with me. And when I lost everything in the fire at the store, you were right by my side the whole time.
Annabelle, you've always been there through all the bad times."
"Yes, I have," says Annabelle.
"So before I die, I just want you to know: You're a fucking jinx!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Final Exam
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
Kids Tough Question
Kids can sometimes ask the toughest questions.Son: Father, Can I ask you a question?
Father: Ok ask.
Son: When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor.
Father: !!!??????!!!
Really funny jokes-Good Samaritan
"Yep".
"Would you like me to help you upstairs?"
"Yep".
When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked "Is this your floor?"
"Yep".
Then the good samaritan got to thinking that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk "Do you live here?"
"Yep".
"Would you like me to help you upstairs?"
"Yep".
So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk. Then went back downstairs. Where, to his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over to him. But before he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and cried "Please officer, protect me from this man. He's been doing nothing all night long but taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!"
The flipside of cont...
“The flipside of contagious gum disease is an infectious smile.”
The first years...
Children:
You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk.
Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and be quiet.
First time
A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in.
Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation.
"Miss Smith," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."
