New Drugs for Men

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth

a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the

performance of men in today's society.

DIRECTRA - A dose of this drug given to men

before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to

stop and ask for directions when they got

lost, compared to a control group where only 0.2

percent asked for directions.

PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug

were far more likely to actually finish a household repair

project before starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a

sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care

tasks-especially cleaning up spills and little accidents.

COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of

middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their

wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if

its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a

sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts

after taking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen:

whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than

your favorites store's return limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra.

Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S.

presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making

men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse

with other family members.

CAPAGRA - Caused test subjects to become

uncharacteristically fastidious about lowering toilet seats

and replacing toothpaste caps. Subjects on higher doses were

seen dusting furniture.

PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave

men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the

personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent over-dose

turned three test

subjects into special prosecutors.

LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when

they are asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available

in Regular, Grand Jury

and Presidential Strength versions.