Psychiatric Hotline

obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and

6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what

you want, so please stay on the line so we can trace the

call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little

voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number

you press, no one will answer.

If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.

If you are phobic, don't press anything.

If you are anal-retentive, please hold.