There were two old geezers liv...
There were two old geezers living in thebackwoods of the Ozarks...Rufus and Clarence.They lived on opposite sides of the river, andthey hated each other. Every morning, just aftersun-up, Rufus and Clarence would go down totheir respective sides of the river and yellat each other"Rufus!!" Clarence would shout. "You better thank yor lucky starsI cain't swim...er I'd swim this river and whup your butt!!"
"Clarence!!!" Rufus would holler back. "You better thank YOURlucky stars that I cain't swim...er I'd swim this river and knockyour head off!!!"
This happened every morning for twenty years.One day the Army Corps of Engineers comes along and build a bridge.Still, every morning, every day for another five years this yellingacross the river goes on, even with the bridge.
Finally... Mrs. Rufus had had enough. "Rufus!" she squallersone day. "I cain't take no more!! Ever day for 25 yearsyou've been threatenin' to whup Clarence. Well, there's the bridge...have at it."
Rufus thought for a moment. Chewed his bottom lip for another moment."Woman!" he declared, snapping his suspenders into place, "I'm gonnacross that thar bridge and I'm gonna whup Clarence's butt!!!"He walked out the door, down to the river, along the riverbank,came to the bridge, stepped up onto the bridge, walked abouthalfway over the bridge, looked up...
TURNED TAIL AND RAN SCREAMING BACK TO THE HOUSE,SLAMMED THE DOOR, BOLTED THE WINDOWS,GRABBED THE SHOTGUN AND DOVE,PANTING AND GASPING, UNDER THE BED!!!
"Rufus!" cried to the misses. "I thought you wuz gonna whup Clarence's butt!!!"
"I was, woman, I was!!" he whispered.
"Rufus!" cried the misses. "What in tarnation is the matter?"
"Well," muttered the terror-stricken Rufus, " I went to the bridge...I stepped up on the bridge...walked halfway over the bridge...looked up..."
"And?" asked Mrs. Rufus, breathless with suspense.
"And," continued Rufus, "I saw a sign that said"Clearance, 13 feet, 6 inches" he ain't neverlooked that big from the other side of the river!!!
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