What Really Happened in Washington DC

The President absolutely did not engage in any sexual

conduct with Miss Lewinsky and will vigorously defend himself

against such claims. However the President would like to

state that it is possible that a perfectly innocent incident

has been twisted by right wing Republicans in order to

undermine his administration.

Mr. Clinton has said that there was an occasion when it was

necessary for him to adjust his clothing he noticed with some

embarrassment that his fly was undone. The President said

that he unfortunately had some difficulty with his clothing

as his zipper got stuck.

Because Mr. Clinton has slight arthritis in his hands he

found he could not get the zipper up. He therefore, for

medical reasons, was forced to enlist the assistance of one

of his staffers, who was Miss Lewinsky.

In the course of assisting Mr. Clinton, Miss Lewinsky had to

kneel in front of him to facilitate the operation of the

zipper.

For medical reasons Mr. Clinton has been advised to wear no

undergarments and it so happened, that in their anxiety to

end the embarrassment and rectify the fly problem, that Mr.

Clinton's penis may have fallen out of his trousers.

As Miss Lewinsky was grappling with his fly and felt sure

that she nearly had it, and did not want Mr. Clinton to be

seen with his penis hanging out, she took the presidential

penis into her mouth so that it would not be visible should

anyone enter the room.

Mr. Clinton was unable to use his own hands for this purpose

as he was assisting Miss Lewinsky by holding her hair out of

her face so she could properly visualize his fly.

It took some minutes for Miss Lewinsky to fix Mr. Clinton's

fly, and it was during this time that another staff member

entered the room and apparently completely misconstrued the

situation.

Mr. Clinton would like to reiterate that there was nothing

unusual about his working relationship with Miss Lewinsky.

He did say however that as he had trouble with his fly on a

number of occasions, necessitating Miss Lewinsky's repeated

assistance, he was considering changing his tailor.