Contraceptive98

Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every

aspect of American life with the introduction of

Contraceptive98, a suite of applications designed for users

who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in

peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play.

It believes these technologies will give it substantial

leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market.The

product addresses two important user concerns: the need for

virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the

non-propagation of human beings.

The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products:

Condom98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from

Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0

is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two

expanded versions. Contraceptive98 Professional is the

Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual

services sector. Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a

package for startups, aimed at the housewife and gigolo

niches.

While Contraceptive98 does not address nontraditional

copulatory channels, future plug-ins are planned for next

year.

OPERATION: Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs

to install the package.

At installation, the Condom98 software checks for minimum

hardware. If the user meets the requirements, the product

installs and is sufficiently scaleable to meet most

requirements. After installation, operation commences. One

caution is that the user must have sufficient RAM to complete

the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect is

initiated, and the user gets the message, it is now safe to

turn off your partner.

DRAWBACKS: Usability testers report that frequent failures

were a major concern during beta testing. General Protection

Fault was the most serious error encountered. Early versions

had numerous bugs, but most of these have been eliminated.

The product needs to be installed each time its used.

CONCLUSION: Contraceptive98 is a robust product. Despite its

drawbacks, it is reasonably good value for its $49.95 price

tag, and is far superior to its shareware version. Hopefully,

future releases (of the software, that is) will add missing

functionality, such as Backout and Restore, uninterruptible

Power Supply, and Onboard Camera.

Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic about "Our

contraceptive products will help users do to each other what

we've been doing to our customers for years."