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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 26 February 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 26 February 2009

Q: What do yo...

Q: What do you do when you see your wife staggering around the back yard?

A: Shoot her again.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

A man was in his front yard mo...

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his beautiful, blond, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (3)

What did the gangster's son te...

What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
" Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours,
but I never told them anything !! "
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 6.29/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (7)

Job Interview

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them one question and their answer would determine who would get the job.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (6)

Knock Knock...

Q: HOW MANY ZEN BUDDHISTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?
A: Three. One to change the lightbulb, one NOT to change the lightbulb, and one to neither change nor not change the lightbulb.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (10)

An old man was sitting on a be...

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A teenager walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

The old man just stared. Every time the teenager looked, the old man was staring. The teenager finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock, and I was just wondering if you were my son."
#joke #fruit #orange
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 5.36/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (14)

Answering Machine Message 104


"Muppet Show" theme:
It's time to leave a message
After you hear the tone,
It's time to leave a message
'Cause we're not at home tonight...
It's time to leave a message
On Kate and Shannon's phone,
It's time to leave a message
'Cause we're not at home tonight.
Just leave your name and number,
Such simple things to do,
And then when we get home we will
Get right back to you.
It's time to leave a message
After you hear the tone.
It's time to leave a message
'Cause we're not at home tonight.
Gone to get a bite,
Stayin' out all night,
Yes we have a life!
Leave a message, we're not home toniiiiight...

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Fifty years from now....

Three elderly people were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them fifty years from now.

"I would like my grandchildren to say, 'He was successful in business,'" declared the first man.

"Fifty years from now," said the second, "I want them to say, 'He was a loyal family man.'"

Turning to the third one, a lady, he asked, "So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?"

"Me?" the third one replied. "I want them to say, 'She certainly looks good for her age.'"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (16)

"What kind of work are you doi...

"What kind of work are you doing now?" "I'm a debt collector." "That's not a really pleasant job is it?" "It's not too bad. People are always asking me to call again."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (3)

Aussie cricket fan

An Australian cricket fan dies on match day (probably from drinking too much) and goes to heaven in his Australian cricket shirt.

He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks Saint Peter.

'Hello mate,' the Aussie says.

'No Australian cricket fans in heaven,' replies Saint Peter.

'What?' exclaims the man, astonished.

'You heard, no Australian cricket fans.'

'But, but, but, I've been a good man,' replies the Aussie.

'Oh really,' says Saint Peter. 'What have you done then?'

'Well, three weeks before I died I gave $10 to the starving children in Africa.'

'Oh,' says Saint Peter, 'anything else?'

'Well, two weeks before I died I also gave $10 to the homeless.'

'Hmmm, anything else?'

'Yeah. A week before I died I gave $10 to the Albanian orphans.'

'OK,' said Saint Peter, 'you wait here a minute while I have a word with the boss.'

Ten minutes pass before Saint Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, 'I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your $30 back, now f*** off.'

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

Moses Meets Dubya

George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didnt seem to notice him. He turned to Moses and said, I am George W. Bush, the President of the USA, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didnt you greet me?
Moses replied, The last time I spoke to a bush, we starved for 40 years!
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (9)

What did one plate say to the ...

What did one plate say to the other plate?
Lunch is on me
#joke #short #food #lunch
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (6)

If a person wants to be a part of your life

If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Minion Quotes - Despicable Me Minions is a website dedicated to minions. Have a good time reading minion quotes, funny quotes or entertain yourself playing minion games. Sajt vise ne radi
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Good thinking

Two brunettes and a blonde are driving in the desert when, all of a sudden, their car breaks down.

As none of them have any motoring knowledge, they decide to walk. Each of them decides to take one thing with her.

The first brunette takes some food in case she gets hungry, the second brunette takes some water in case she gets thirsty and the blonde takes a car door.

When questioned about her choice, the blonde replies:

"Well, if I get hot, I can roll down the window!"

#joke #blonde #food #hungry
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 7.54/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (13)

Writing letters to son

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping.

Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:

"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad."

#joke #mother
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (42)

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