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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 01 March 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 01 March 2009

Q: Did you he...

Q: Did you hear that the Republicans and the Democrats in Washington are contemplating passing a bill that balances the budget?


A: It may not be funny, but it sure is a joke!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (4)

One day there were three astro...

One day there were three astronauts a blonde, brunnete, and a redhead eating together.

The brunette said, "Hey you guys we were the first people in outer space we should be proud of that," and they said, "Yeah, yeah we are.

Then they start to eat again when the redhead says "Hey you guys we were the first ones on the moon we should be proud of that too." They said, "Yeah, yeah we are."

The blonde starts thinking and about one hour later she says, "You guys, you know how we were the first one in outer space and the first ones on the moon?" They said, "Yeah, so?"

"So," the blonde said, "We should be the first ones on the sun too."

The redhead says, "You crazy blonde, if we got within a 100 mile radius of the sun we would burn up and die."

The blonde replies, "You are the crazy, we wouldn't go during the day. We would go at night."
#joke #blonde #food #eating
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (5)

A little boy went up to his fa...

A little boy went up to his father and asked :
" Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from ? "
His father replied :
" Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother,
because I still have mine. "
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (3)

Americans Vs Russians

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (4)

Real Church Signs

Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.
If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.
If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again.
Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

One day, there's a man an...

One day, there's a man and his wife driving along a road. Suddenly out of nowhere, a freak cyclone sweeps through, overturning the car and ripping off both the man and woman's clothes. The Cyclone passes as quickly as it came, and the man finds himself trapped underneath the overturned car. He shouts at his wife to get help, who responds by telling him that she is wearing no clothes. "Put my shoes over your crotch!" he shouts "and go and get me help".

She obliges, putting his shoes over her crotch, and flags down the next passing car. The driver gets out. "Help, help, it's my husband!" shouts the woman, to which the driver says, "Well if he's that far up, he's got no bloody chance!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (9)

Get Me An Ambulence Now


A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.
Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!
Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.58/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (12)

You see....

During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.

The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say....

"You see, it IS vanishing cream!"

#joke #food #dinner
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (35)

"My sister has been playing th...

"My sister has been playing the violin for six years." "Is she any good?" "Not really. It took her five years to figure out she's not supposed to blow it."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Rest Area

On her way home from a long trip, a blonde drove past a sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES".

By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.16/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (44)

I want my baby back ribs

God was talking to Adam one day when Adam begins to lament. God Im lonely, I need a companion? God replies, Adam, I have the perfect person for you, shes beautiful, shes generous, and shell be yours forever Adam, excited about the news begins to thank God over and over.sound great, but then stops and asks God, Wait a minute, how much is she going to cost me? An arm and a leg, God replied jokingly. Thats pretty steep said Adam, What can I get for a rib?
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (5)

A man went to a fancy dress pa...

A man went to a fancy dress party wearing trousers, a roll-neck sweater, and a balaclava, all light brown. He was carrying a woman,wearing a brown and fawn dress,piggy back style.
His host asked him what he had come as. He answered: "A tortoise.''
The host asked ''What about the woman?"
The man replied ''She's Michelle.''
Mark Wilson, Joppa
What's another name for a sugar daddy?
A lolly pop
#joke #food #sugar
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

A man went to his lawyer and t...

A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?"
"Do you have any proof?" asked the lawyer.
"Nope," replied the man.
"Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owed you," said the lawyer.
"But it's only $500," replied the man.
"Precisely. That's what he will reply and we will have the proof we need to nail him."
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.61/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (62)

Really funny jokes- Classified classics

A compilation of hilarious classified classics!!!
** A superb and economical restaurant. Fine food, expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
** No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
** Sale! Sale! An antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
** We don't tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
** Great chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
** Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
** Dinner Special - Turkey $2.75; Chicken or Beef $2.50; Children $2.00.
** Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
#joke #animal #chicken #turkey #food #dinner #beef
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.22/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (23)

When the wise company presiden...

When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking upon no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo:
To all employees; If you must drink during you lunch hours, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you're drunk than to think you're stupid.
#joke #food #lunch #drinks #whiskey #vodka
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.72/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (18)

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