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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 15 September 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 15 September 2013

The Skin Graft

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.
However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheeks.

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (9)

Good jokes-Just one instance

Jim was getting drunk at a pub with his old chum, Bob. Having had a rum too many, Jim started complaining about his mother-in-law, how he found her disgusting, bossy, pompous, intrusive, and unbearable.
Suddenly, Jim leaned over and confessed that he had to give the old gal credit for one thing. There was one instance in his life when he would have cut his throat if it weren't for her.
Bob, surprised by the sudden change of heart, asked "Really? What happened?"
Jim said, "She was using my razor."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (10)

“How can you get a dr...

“How can you get a drywall plasterer to finish the job? They barely start and then they stop.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

Panicked father...

After the baby was born, the panicked Japanese father went to see the obstetrician.

"Doctor," he said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."

"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."

"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "We're pure Asian."

"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?"

The man seemed ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice a month."

"There you have it!" the doctor said confidently. "It's just rust."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.22/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (9)

Answering Machine Message 218


Hi, this is Ed. I'm secretly replacing Faisal and Bob with dark sparkling Folger's Crystals. Leave your name, number, and a brief message and they'll call you back when they're nice and percolated. See if you can tell the difference.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (10)

Mixed-Up Terms

A father was concerned that his daughter hadn't revealed her

heart condition to his future son-in-law. The first chance he

had for a private chat, he asked his son-in-law to be,

"Michael, are you aware of my daughter's acute angina?"

"Sure," Mike responded, "and her breasts ain't bad either!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (12)

A grasshopper walks into a bar...

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!'

The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 10 August 2013
  • Currently 5.27/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (102)

The square root of Chuck Norri...

The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 14 April 2011
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (12)

Free sex

There was this gas station in "redneck country" trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up."

Soon a "redneck" customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, "No, you were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no free sex this time but maybe next time".

Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed (2) this time, and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was (3). You were close but no free sex this time".

As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't give away free sex".

The buddy replied, "No, it's not rigged -- my wife won twice last week."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 September 2011
  • Currently 7.27/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (55)

Aaron Karo: New Diet

I was reading about this new diet where youre not allowed to drink alcohol. Well, I read the first sentence at least.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 September 2011
  • Currently 5.65/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (43)

Some Really Good Questions

1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?'

4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message “one slice?” How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

7. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

8. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?

9. Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

10. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It's all right?” Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, “That hurt, you stupid idiot?”

11. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

12. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

13. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

14. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

15. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it? And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!

16. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 September 2011
  • Currently 6.53/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (38)

Knock Knock Collection 144


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ozzie!
Ozzie who?
Ozzie you later!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pablo!
Pablo who?
Pablo your horn!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pammy!
Pammy who?
Pammy the key, the door is locked!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Paris!
Paris who?
Paris the thought!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Parton!
Parton who?
Parton my French!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 September 2011
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (34)

People who don't know the opposite of in

Shout OUT to people who don't know the opposite of in!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Makin' babies...

A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."

The mother, more than a little surprised, asked fearfully, "That's interesting. How do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (17)

A city slicker was driving thr...

A city slicker was driving through the country when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale.
"Afraid not," said the farmer.
"I'll give you a thousand pounds!" said the city fella.
"I can't sell you that horse. He don't look too good," replied the farmer.
"I know horses, and he looks fine. I'll give you two thousand!"
"Well, all right, if you want him so bad."
The next day, the man returned the horse, screaming that he had been conned. "You sold me a blind horse!"
"Well," said the farmer, "I told you he didn't look too good."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

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