Join us on
WhatsApp
Join us on
Telegram
Join us on
Viber

Jokes of the day for Monday, 13 January 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 13 January 2014

“I have invented croc...

“I have invented crockery that comes to me when I whistle. My cup runneth over.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (3)

Doctor jokes-Before the pain

A Swede doctor gives instructions to his patient.

Doctor: “It is of vital importance that you take this particular medicine right one hour before you get your pains.”
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

During a robbery, one of the r...

During a robbery, one of the robbers mask slid down.
He looked at a man and asked. Did you see my face?
The man said yes! The robber shot him.
Then he asked a woman. Did you see my face?
She said no, but my husband over there did.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

Funny Photo of the day - Balancing chairs with mouth

Balancing chairs with mouth - Doesn't count if no one is sitting on top | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.13/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (8)

Diagnose this patient...

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

On his birthday, Chuck Norris ...

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 14 July 2011
  • Currently 2.97/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (64)

Two lions

Two lions were lying around in the jungle. One of them his licking his asshole.

The other lion asked him, "Why are you licking your asshole?"

The second lion replied, "Aww, I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth."

#joke #short #lawyer #animal #lion
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 August 2010
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Knock Knock Collection 184


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Valencia!
Valencia who?
Valenicia dollar, will you pay it back?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Value!
Value who?
Value be my Valentine?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Vanessa!
Vanessa who?
Vanessa bus be along in a minute!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Vanessa!
Vanessa who?
Vanessa going to grow up?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Vanilla!
Vanilla who?
Vanilla call the doctor?

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 24 October 2009
  • Currently 3.40/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (5)

A Jewish Landing

As the plane settled down at Ben Gurion airport, the voice of the Captain came on:
"Please remain seated with your seatbelt fastened until this plane is at a complete standstill and the seat belt signs have been turned off.""To those of you standing in the aisles, we wish you a Happy Hanukkah."
"To those who have remained in their seats, we wish you a Merry Christmas."

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 29 May 2009
  • Currently 4.95/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (43)

Chuck Norris' belly button is ...

Chuck Norris' belly button is actually a power outlet.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 January 2012
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (46)

Rickey Smiley: White Church

I joined a white church because white people get out on time.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 January 2012
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (33)

You might be a redneck if 57

You might be a reneck if...

You live close enough to town to get garbage service, but don't use it because they won't come down your driveway to get it.

The fellows on the big garbage moving equipment recoginze your wife.... and wave to her.

Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.

You have ever removed the 3-9 zoom scope from your deer rifle to use at a KISS concert.

You have more than 2 used pampers rolling around in the back of your truck.

When you put your hunting boots on you only get them on the right feet 50% of the time.

Your idea of a neighborhood watch program is tuning into "America's Most Wanted".

You own more than two clappers.

You go to Wal-Mart to people watch.

You recycle enough Copenhagen lids to buy Christmas presents.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 January 2012
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (30)

People are ignoring me

A patient walks into a doctor's office.

Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.

Doctor: Next!

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 January 2011
  • Currently 5.76/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (25)

Mimes

Whats black and white and red all over? Mimes in a chainsaw fight.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 January 2010
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (16)

Golf and Skydiving

What is the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer says "whack....DAMN!" and a skydiver says " Damn ..... WHACK!!"

#joke #short #sport #golf #golfer
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

14 signs your Kitty wants you dead

14. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.

13. Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.

12. You find a stash of 'Feline of Fortune' magazines behind the couch.

11. Cyanide pawprints all over the house.

10. You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.

9. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.

8. Droppings in litter box spell out 'REDRUM.'

7. Takes attentive notes every time 'Itchy and Scratchy' are on.

6. You find blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed.

5. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.

4. Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your doorstep.

3. Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.

2. You find a piece of paper labeled 'MY WIL' that reads 'LEEV AWL 2 KAT.'

1. Now sharpens claws on your car's brake lines.

#joke #animal #dog #mouse #bird
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.79/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (14)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.