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Jokes of the day for Friday, 24 January 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 24 January 2014

Daddy, what happened to him?

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.

"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

#joke #father
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (4)

When the Aztec warri...

“When the Aztec warrior was about to be punished severely, he was so sad he was disheartened.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.89/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (35)

Adult jokes-Loose character


Derick was on his first date with Gina who was known to be a "loose" character.

Once he parked his car, they indulged in foreplay and Gina seemed to like it. As the heat was building up, he put his hand inside her knickers.

She seemed to be loving it, but suddenly cried, "Ahh, your ring is hurting me!"

Derick replied, "not my ring, that's my watch."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Steampunk Bathroom

Steampunk Bathroom - A bit different Bathroom | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (8)

A Great Fruit Cake Recipie


You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky.
Sample the whisky to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whisky again and go to bed.

#joke #fruit #lemon #food #cake #butter #salt #sugar #egg #drinks #juice #whisky
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.25/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (4)

Difficuilt to say

Difficult words to say when you are sober......

* Innovative

* Preliminary

* Proliferation

Impossible words to say when you are drunk.....

* Thanks, but I don't want sex

* No, I don't want another drink

* No Kebab for me, thank you

* Sorry, but you are not quite good looking enough for me

* Good evening Officer

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

#joke #policeman
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

No Cavities

One fine afternoon, a smiling boy arrived home from a dental visit. He called out,"Hey mom, I have no cavities today."

His mom stared at him wide-eyed and quite surprised. But she smiled and then frowned, knowing the expected. "Let me guess," she said. "You have not a tooth left."

#joke #short #mother #mom
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A man in a hot air balloon rea...

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north latitude and between 58 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the man, "but how did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below responded, "You must be a manager."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are exactly in the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 27 June 2012
  • Currently 4.73/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (11)

Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauc...

Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 December 2011
  • Currently 4.62/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (13)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"I Give Evolution Two Opposable Thumbs Up."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 09 October 2009
  • Currently 3.43/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (7)

Deliverance

It is pouring rain in the flood plain of the Mississippi Valley, and the rising river begins to threaten all manner of private homes, including that of the local Rabbi.
With water coming into the ground floor, a rowboat with police comes by, and the officer shouts, "Rabbi, let us evacuate you! The water level is getting dangerous."
The Rabbi replies, "No thank you, I am a righteous man, who trusts in the Almighty, and I am confident he will deliver me." Three hours go by, and the rains intensify, at which point the Rabbi has been forced up to the second floor of his house.A second police rowboat comes by, and the officer shouts, "Rabbi, let us evacuate you! The water level is getting dangerous."
The Rabbi replies, "No thank you, I am a righteous man, who trusts in the Almighty, and I am confident he will deliver me."
The rain does not stop, and the Rabbi is forced up onto the roof of his house. A helicopter flies over, and the officer shouts down, "Rabbi, grab the rope and we'll pull you up! You're in terrible danger!"
The Rabbi replies, "No thank you, I am a righteous man, who trusts in the Almighty, and I am confident he will deliver me."
The deluge continues, and the Rabbi is swept off the roof, carried away in the current and drowns. He goes up to heaven, and at the Pearly Gates he is admitted, and comes before the Divine Presence.
The Rabbi asks, "Dear Lord, I don't understand. I've been a righteous observant person my whole life, and depended on you to save me in my hour of need. Where were you?"
And the Lord answered, "I sent two boats and a helicopter, what more do you want?"

#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 24 January 2010
  • Currently 5.93/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (55)

Four college friends were so c...

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Austin until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.
They explained that they had gone to Dallas for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.
The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved.
They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. "This is going to be easy."
Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written:
#joke #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 24 January 2010
  • Currently 2.77/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (48)

The Gift

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ?
"No," said the little boy... "It's a puppy!"
#joke #drinks #wine #champagne
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 24 January 2011
  • Currently 5.41/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (37)

A woman in Atlantic City was l...

A woman in Atlantic City was losing at the roulette wheel. When she was down to her last 10 dollars, she asked the fellow next to her for a good number. “Why don’t you play your age?” he suggested. The woman agreed, and then put her money on the table.
The next thing the guy with the advice knew, the woman had fainted and fallen to the floor. He rushed right over. “Did she win?” he asked. “No” replied the attendant. “She put 10 dollars on 33 and 46 came in.”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 24 January 2011
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (12)

After John had purchased movie...

After John had purchased movie tickets for himself and his girlfriend, she went inside to find seats while he got some popcorn. By the time he was served, the previews were being shown and the theater was dark. John stumbled his way through the dark, sat down and gave his girlfriend a kiss.
Then he heard a familiar voice say, "John, I'm back here."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (10)

I'm actually a very nice person

I'm actually a very nice person… Until you piss me off.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Minion Quotes - Despicable Me Minions is a website dedicated to minions. Have a good time reading minion quotes, funny quotes or entertain yourself playing minion games. Sajt vise ne radi
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

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