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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 08 October 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 08 October 2017

A new bride was a bit embarras...

A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.
He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"
#joke #short #wedding #bride
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (12)

When the Impressionist was a k

When the Impressionist was a kid he ran a Le Monet stand.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Getting tough

My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing.

One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulders muscles. He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5-pound potato sack in each hand, he would extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could.

After awhile, he tried 10-pound potato sacks, then 50-pound potato sacks. Finally, he got to where he could lift a 100-pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute!

Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.

#joke #food #potato
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (15)

 Programming Language Acronyms


ADA: A Dumb Arrangement
ADA: A Dumb Acronym
ADA: A Dumb Annoyance
BASIC: Boring And Shamelessly Idiotic Coders
BASIC: Badly Assembled, Severely Illogical Code
BASIC: Beginner's Algorithms for Seemingly Infinite Confusion
C: Crud
C: Confusing
COBOL: Completly Outdated, Badly Overused Language
COBOL: Completly Overused, Badly Outdated Language
COBOL: Cowards Only Buy Outdated Languages
COBOL: Cowards Only Build Outdated Languages
COBOL: Crap Operated By Obsessed lunatics
COBOL: Crap Often Bothers Our Lethargy
COBOL: Crap Ostracized By Our Loathing
COBOL: Compiles Only Because Of Luck
COBOL: Cumbersome, Overdone, Badly Organized Language
COBOL: Coded Only By Obsessed Lunatics
FORTRAN: Files Only Run Through Right At Never-neverland
LISP: Lots of Insanely Stupid Parentheses
LISP: Lots of Irritating Superfluous Parentheses
PASCAL:\Programmers Against Structured Code And Language

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

“The meaning of opaqu

“The meaning of opaque is unclear.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

roNG>Would you like to have

roNG>Would you like to have the Joke of the Day on your site? One line of HTML will put an automatically updated Joke of the Day wherever you like. For more information,
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 September 2015
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Why White?

A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"
The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his mom, and then seeks his father opinion, "Dad, why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."

#joke #wedding #bride
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 08 October 2012
  • Currently 7.06/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (52)

In honor of Chuck Norris, all ...

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 08 October 2011
  • Currently 3.83/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (52)

Blondes on a plane

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland.

Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left".

Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left".

An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left".

One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 08 October 2011
  • Currently 5.94/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (48)

K9 Is For Assistance

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned: "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 08 October 2016
  • Currently 8.45/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (38)

Jim Gaffigan: Wish I Was Ethnic

I wish I was ethnic; Im nothing. Cause if youre Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, Hes got a Latin temper. But if youre a white guy and you get angry, people are like, That guys a jerk.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 08 October 2011
  • Currently 5.24/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (33)

Friends

Friends who buy you food are friends for life.
#joke #short #food
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 24 February 2016
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Honey, What Did the Doctor Say?

A middle aged man goes into the doctor's office for a check-up with a litany of complaints. The doctor speaks to the man’s wife alone and says, "There is nothing the matter with your husband. If you make a couple of meals for him a day, let him watch his sports. Do not complain at him too much and require him to listen. Limit his exposure to in-laws and make love to him once a week. Then, he’ll probably live another 20 years."She returns to her husband’s side in the waiting room. He asks,
"What did the doctor tell you?"
"You are going to be dying soon, my dear."
#joke #doctor #food #honey #meal #sport
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 8.40/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (20)

A duck walks into a Dairy

A duck walks into a dairy and says

"Give me some chapstick, put it on my bill!"

But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him.

He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed.

The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer.

The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need chapstick anyway, since he has no lips... heh heh heh

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 May 2015
  • Currently 1.21/10

Rating: 1.2/10 (19)

After 40 years of marriage, th...

After 40 years of marriage, the wife had not received a gift for Xmas, birthday, or anniversary since the first Xmas. So she drug her husband to the counselor.

After explaining all of this to the counselor, she looked at her husband with tears in her eyes and asked, "Why do you treat me this way?"
The husband said, "I am a very practical man, so when you use the first present I got you, I'll get you another."
The counselor asked, "What did he get you?"
The wife bowed her head and whispered, "A cemetery plot."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 08 July 2016
  • Currently 4.87/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (15)

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