Jokes of the day for Friday, 08 November 2019
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 08 November 2019 |
Evils of alcohol
A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol.He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.
"All right, son," asked the father, "what does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."
Cooking show
“The King of satyrs tried his hand at directing a cooking show on TV, but only received pan reviews.”
A woman's husband had been sl
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what? 'You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what Martha?'
'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
'I'm beginning to think you're bad luck...
Husband Picture
The husband says to his wife, "You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?"She says, "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."
He smirks and replies, "You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"
She calmly replies, "Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be greater than this one?'"
Social Security
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.”
Hearing aid...
John: I got this great new hearing aid the other day.Mary: Are you wearing it now?
John: Yup. Cost me four thousand dollars, though. But it's top of the line.
Mary: What kind is it?
John: Twelve-thirty.
What does the starship enterpr...

They both circle around uranus and wipe out klingons.
A man realized he needed to pu...

"Anything from $2 to $2,000."
"Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer.
The salesman put the device around the man's neck, and said: "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket."
"How does it work?" asked the customer.
"For $2, it doesn't work," said the salesman. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."
Hari Kondabolu: Where Are You From?

The original title for Star Wa...
The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris.Natasha Leggero: Male Comics

Mobius strip

The Mobius strip replies:
Oh, where do I even begin
Insomnia

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination but found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him.
"Listen,” the doctor said, “if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."
"I know," said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
Quip To Complete Purchase

I used to find buying books from Amazon slow and inconvenient...
Until one day the receptionist suggested I use their website.