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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 02 January 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 02 January 2021

Top Ten Things Not To Say T

Top Ten Things Not To Say To Parents When Picking Up A Date
10. "I feel like we both have something in common, she calls me daddy too!"
9. "Now show me how you used to spank her."
8. "Please come inside? Wow, you sound just like your daughter."
7. "Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?"
6. "I just got my license today."
5. "I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped me mature."
4. "Five bucks says she's a D-cup."
3. "You taught her to swallow, didn't you?"
2. "Hi. I'm Robert, but my friends call me 'Back Door Bob'."
1. "So, does your wife just lay there during sex too?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

You Are A Cheat

"You are a cheat!" roared the angry card player.
"I am not," responded the accused.
"You certainly are," insisted the first man. "I know for sure that I never dealt you that ace!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (12)

After three years of marriage,

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband abouthis lurid past.
"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women haveyou slept with?"
"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit".
Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.
"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there'syou - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 23 March 2017
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

Fifty years from now....

Three elderly people were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them fifty years from now.

"I would like my grandchildren to say, 'He was successful in business,'" declared the first man.

"Fifty years from now," said the second, "I want them to say, 'He was a loyal family man.'"

Turning to the third one, a lady, he asked, "So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?"

"Me?" the third one replied. "I want them to say, 'She certainly looks good for her age.'"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 January 2015
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

A businessman boarded a fli...

A businessman boarded a flight and was lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman...... They exchange brief hellos and he noticed she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replied, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 January 2010
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (70)

Why isn't there democracy in North Korea?

Why isn't there democracy in North Korea?

TBecause everytime they try to pronounce "election" everyone starts to giggle

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 02 January 2015
  • Currently 8.12/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (41)

Marriage Problems

A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple went to court to finalize their break-up.

The judge asked the husband, “What has brought you to this point, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?”

The husband said, “In the six weeks we've been together, we haven't been able to agree on one thing.”

The wife said, “Seven weeks.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 02 January 2012
  • Currently 7.95/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (38)

A cowboy, who just moved to Wy...

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though."
#joke #walksintoabar #drinks #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 02 January 2017
  • Currently 9.11/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (36)

What sort of television progra...

What sort of television programmes do ducks like?
Duckumentaries
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 January 2010
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (29)

First time

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in.
Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation.
"Miss Smith," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 03 October 2014
  • Currently 6.55/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (11)

Two guys from Blount County ar...

Two guys from Blount County are sittin' in a boat on Douglas Lake fishing and suckin' down beer when all of a sudden Bill says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 6 months."
Earl sips his beer and says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."
#joke #drinks #beer #sport #fishing
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 10 May 2017
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

It was a stifling hot day and...

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, and a woman rushed to help him.
As she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right, Honey, I've had a course in first aid."
The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration.
At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here."
#joke #doctor #food #honey
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 November 2016
  • Currently 7.54/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (13)

Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet...

Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they're off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
"Help me find my ball. Look over there," he says to Jon.
After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. "I've found my ball!" he announces.
"After all of the years we've been partners and playing together," Jon says, "you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?"
"What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!"
"And you're a liar, too!" Jon says. "I'll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!"
#joke #lawyer #sport #golf
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 July 2016
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Don't give up. You time is coming soon.

I know sometimes you feel like giving up. Every new day there seems to be no change in your life. All the troubles of your heart and worries keep on worsening! You wonder why everything is happening to you. You keep on asking yourself why you’re not lucky like other people. You keep on praying to God but so far He hasn’t answered your prayers. Now you have started losing hope. You now think that maybe you were meant to be like that or maybe somebody cursed you. But I tell you what my friend? You weren’t meant to be like that and you weren’t cursed. God is silent but He watches you day and night. He listens to your prayers and He has something special for you. Just stay strong, focused, and hardworking and keep praying to God. Bear it in your minds that you’re not alone in that hard situation, we are all in the same boat. So don’t give up my dear friend. Your time is coming soon.
#joke #animal #bear
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 05 October 2015
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

In order to pay his medical sc...

In order to pay his medical school tuition, a student was working two jobs over the summer. One was as a butcher's assistant and the other as a hospital orderly, both jobs that required the young man wear a long white coat.
One night he was wheeling a woman into surgery when she sat up suddenly, looked him in the eye, and screamed, "God save me! It's the butcher!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 March 2017
  • Currently 7.74/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (34)

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