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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 15 April 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 15 April 2021

Early one evening a man went o

Early one evening a man went out to his garage and pulled the lawn furniture out onto the driveway. Shortly after followed the lawn mower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle.
A curious neighbor wandered over and asked if he was going to have a garage sale.
"No," replied the gentleman, "my son just bought his first car and right now he's getting ready for a big date."
"So what's with all the stuff?" asked the neighbor.
"Well, after years of moving tricycles, toys and sports equipment out of the way every time I came home from work I wanted to make sure the driveway was ready for him."
#joke #sport
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.64/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (11)

Buying An Elephant

Tim: I wish I had the money to buy an elephant.
Tom: What do you want with an elephant?
Tim: Nothing, I just want the money.

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.95/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (19)

Fool in love...

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 May 2015
  • Currently 9.32/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (47)

A teacher was wrapping up clas

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking abouttomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for notshowing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or animmediate family member's death.
One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexualexhaustion?" and the whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at thestudent, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other handto write."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 April 2015
  • Currently 9.07/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (15)

Wake up call

A man and his wife were having some problems and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he'd need his wife to wake him at 5 a.m. for an early flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper: "Please wake me at 5 a.m."

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9 a.m. and he'd missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and scream at his wife when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed that said: "It's 5 a.m. Wake up.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 April 2014
  • Currently 8.18/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (88)

Chuck Norris has an ongoing fe...

Chuck Norris has an ongoing feud with the Keebler elves. It started when they stole his idea for putting a kitchen in a tree. While the elves now make subpar cookies in the tree, Chuck's tree contains a fully functioning crystal meth lab.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 April 2011
  • Currently 2.39/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (77)

Undercover Clergy

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water.
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognize."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 April 2009
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (61)

Chuck Norris was born a blonde...

Chuck Norris was born a blonde, but the blood of his victims dyed his hair and beard to a healthy orange.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 15 April 2013
  • Currently 2.54/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (52)

Pun With Monks

Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she's ever had. After dinner, she goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs. She is met by two brothers, "Hello, I'm Brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles." "I'm very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever tasted. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?" Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar." She turns the other brother and says, "Then you must be...?" "Yes, I'm the chip monk."
#joke #animal #fish #food #dinner
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 15 April 2019
  • Currently 8.45/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (38)

Playing Golf with God

Three men were playing golf. The course was a wicked dogleg with a large water hazard.
The first man stepped up to the tee and hit a sharp slice into the water hazard. He walked up to the water; it parted and he lofted his ball within one foot of the hole.
The next man steped up and hit the ball. Sure enough, he sliced it so that it landed on top of the water. He walked across the surface of the water and and hit the ball within six inches of the hole.The third man stepped up, hit the ball, and sliced it. The ball was just about to land in the water when a trout jumped out of the water and grabbed it in his mouth. An eagle swooped down, scooped up the fish, and flew off. As the eagle banked over the green, lightning struck it, it dropped the fish, the fish dropped the ball, and it landed in the hole for a hole in one.
Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I really hate playing golf with your Dad."

#joke #animal #fish #sport #golf
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 30 October 2011
  • Currently 7.02/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (42)

Two lawyers

Two lawyers were walking along, negotiating a case.

"Look," said one to the other, "let's be honest with each other."

"Okay, you first," replied the other.

That was the end of the discussion.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 09 April 2010
  • Currently 6.19/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (16)

How Cold Is It Outside?

How Cold Is Cold?
60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)
50 Miami residents turn on the heat
40 You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming
35 Italian cars don't start
32 Water freezes
30 You plan your vacation to Australia
25 Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming
20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further South
15 French cars don't start, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
10 You need jumper cables to get the car going
5 American cars don't start
0 Alaskans put on T-shirts
-10 German cars don't start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink
-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist
-20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you, Politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars don't start
-25 Too cold to think, You need jumper cables to get the driver going
-30 You plan a two week hot bath, Swedish cars don't start
-40 Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button, Canadians put on sweaters, Your car helps you plan your trip South
-50 Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close the bathroom window
-80 Hell freezes over, Polar bears move South
-90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets
#joke #lawyer #animal #cat #bear #sport #swimming
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 02 September 2016
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

Husband wanted

A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: "Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person."

The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.

"You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow asked: "Just look at you -- you have no legs!"

The old gent smiled: "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"

"You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.

Again, the old man smiled: "Therefore, I can never beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: "Are you still good in bed?"

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said: "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 8.14/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (22)

The football coach walked into...

The football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."
The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?"
"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.
At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"
#joke #sport #football
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 January 2017
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

People Are Ignoring Me

A patient walks into a doctor's office.
Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.
Doctor: Next!
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 March 2014
  • Currently 6.43/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (7)

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