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Jokes of the day for Friday, 10 November 2023

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 10 November 2023

Health or Wisdom

It is better to be healthy than wise...
Being sick costs you money, but you can be dumb for free.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.44/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (9)

Who's Going to Pay for Paddy?

Paddy went into St. Mary’s hospital for major surgery. In the recovery room, the nurse came in and said, “So Pat, how will you be payin’ for your surgery?”“Sure and I don’t know,” said Pat.“Do you have any insurance?” the nurse asked.“No,” said Pat.“Do you have any money?” she asked.“Not a penny,” said Pat.“Do you have any relatives who might be able to pay for this surgery?”“Only me spinster sister in New Mexico; she’s a nun.”“Nuns aren’t spinsters Pat, they’re married to God,” the nurse said.“Fine,” replied Pat, “then sure and you’ll be sending the bill to me Brother-in-Law.”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 31 May 2022
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

Future value

A tourist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.

"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years, it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."

The tourist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.

Calf

"Here, is the check for $900," he said. "It's postdated six years from now."

#joke #animal
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 10 January 2022
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

Physics...

One day our physics professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"

"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So, how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the idiots out of medical school," replied the professor.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 10 December 2014
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

There was a man walking alone ...

There was a man walking alone along a beach. He comes across a bottle with a cork in it. The man picks up the bottle and pulls out the cork. A loud roar follows and a genie appears. The genie says to the man, "I'm a little tired today and I can only give you two wishes."
The man says "That's OK, two is enough." "First, I would like one-billion dollars in a Swiss bank account."
Poof - The genie hands the man a paper and says "Here's the number to your account."
Next the man says, "Second, I would like to be irresistible to women."
Poof - the genie turned him into a box of chocolates.
#joke #food #chocolate
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 November 2009
  • Currently 5.88/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (77)

Chuck Norris has the greatest ...

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 November 2011
  • Currently 3.86/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (49)

The lawyer was cross-examining

The lawyer was cross-examining a witness.
“Isn’t it true, “he bellowed, “that you were given $500.00 to throw this case?”
The witness did not answer. Instead, he just stared out the window as though he hadn’t heard the question. The attorney repeated himself, again getting the same reaction - no response.
Finally, the judge spoke to the witness, “Please answer the question.”
“Oh,” said the startled witness, “I thought he was talking to you.”
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 10 November 2014
  • Currently 8.96/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (48)

Please Show The I.D.


The following supposedly a true story.
This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give the scotch to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off of the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

#joke #policeman #drinks #scotch
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 November 2011
  • Currently 6.97/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (29)

Which one picked it up?

Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel.

Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?

Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 10 November 2014
  • Currently 8.67/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (24)

Man Overboard

An couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the ship watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the man overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find him. So the captain sent the woman back to shore with the promise that he would notify her as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the woman got a fax from the ship. It read: "Ma'am, sorry to inform you, we found your husband dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled him up to the deck and attached to his back end was an oyster and inside the oyster was a pearl worth $50,000....please advise."
The woman faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 02 May 2016
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

Kittens

A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.

"How did you know?" his mother asked.

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it was printed on the bottom."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 December 2016
  • Currently 8.45/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (38)

Stopped By The Police

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away."
Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed."
So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired."
And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.
Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired."
Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!"
The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"
Jessica replied, "only when he's drunk."

#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 28 October 2013
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (28)

I Want to Be a Pastor When I Grow Up

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, “Mom, I’ve decided to become a priest when I grow up.”“That’s OK with us,” she said, “but what made you decide that?”“Well,” said the little boy, “I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit down and listen.”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 September 2017
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

Patton Oswalt - My Fitness Goal

My Fitness Goal: I would like I stop looking like I am wearing bulletproof vest all the time @PattonOswalt http://on.cc.com/1rtkHzr
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 09 January 2015
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Beware of dog

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"

"Yep, that's him," he replied.

The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

#joke #animal #dog
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 21 October 2016
  • Currently 9.02/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (51)

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