Popular jokes (16366 to 16380)

What do you call a b

What do you call a blond with a brain? A golden retriever.

“The barista earned l

“The barista earned latte good tips.”

 What Should They Say?

Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven to an orientation.
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, "Look! He's moving!"

Anyone with a phablet is a

Anyone with a phablet is a big phoney.

A man wonders if having sex on

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays."
The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?" So he goes to a minister who, after all, is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath!
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi, a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely play."
The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"
The Rabbi softly speaks, "My son, if sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"If you believe you can tell me what to think, I believe I can tell you where to go."

Before There Were Crowbars

Before crowbars were invented...
...most crows drank at home by themselves.

Creating genetic hybrids of a ...

Creating genetic hybrids of a species is known as animalgamation.

“After injuring my up

“After injuring my upper arm and wearing an ice pack, my wife accused me of giving her the cold shoulder.”

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker

Give Satan an inch and he'll be a ruler.

An Illinois man left the snowy...

An Illinois man left the snowy streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your loving husband.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Balancing Act

I'm a multi-tasker...
I can listen, ignore and forget all at the same time!

Millennials

I’m so tired of Millennials and their attitudes….
Always walking around like they rent the place.

I've been in love with the sa

I've been in love with the same woman for 20 years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

“I can never understa

“I can never understand my trigonometry teacher because he always talks in sine language.”