Popular jokes (16351 to 16365)

An Illinois man left the snowy...

An Illinois man left the snowy streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your loving husband.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Balancing Act

I'm a multi-tasker...
I can listen, ignore and forget all at the same time!

Millennials

I’m so tired of Millennials and their attitudes….
Always walking around like they rent the place.

I've been in love with the sa

I've been in love with the same woman for 20 years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

Ad Response

One shop owner asks another, "So, have you had any responses to your ad that you're looking for a night watchman?"
"Yeah, we got robbed last night."

What's J-Lo got behind h...

What's J-Lo got behind her skirt? It reminds me of that movie, The Great Ass Cape.

My dog has an attitu...

“My dog has an attitude. He is a cocky spaniel.”

A new bride went to her doctor

A new bride went to her doctor for a check up. Lacking knowledge of the male anatomy, she asked the doctor, "What's that thing hanging between my husbands legs?"
The doctor replies, "We call that the penis."
The new bride then asks, "What's that reddish/purple thing on the end of the penis?"
The doctor replies, "We call that the head of the penis."
The bride then asks, "What are those 2 round things about 15 inches from the head of the penis?"
The doctor replies, "Lady, on him I don't know, but on me they're the cheeks of my ass!"

I was looking for a place to r

I was looking for a place to roost, so I went to the poultry hotel to chick inn. The guy at front desk was a bad egg (he called me a pecker!) but despite his unpheasantness I didn't fly the coop: after all, it was only hen bok-boks a night. ‘Only hen clucks,' I thought. I agreed to the feed, and was given free range of the place.

Q: Mommy, Mom...

Q: Mommy, Mommy! Why is Daddy zigzagging in the yard?
A: Shut up and shoot again!

Redhead Joke

Q: What do you call a redhead with an attitude?

A: Normal.

Blonde Smoker

Q: How did the blonde put out her cigarette?
A: She threw it in the water and stepped on it.

Shakespeare's works have...

Shakespeare's works have recently been climbing up the bestseller charts. It's a sonnet boom!

A man was walking in the stree

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: ''Stop! Standstill! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head andkill you.''
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man wasastonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.Once again the voice shouted: ''Stop! Stand still! If you take one morestep a car will run over you and you will die.''
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around thecorner, barely missing him. ''Where are you?'' the man asked. ''Who areyou?''
''I am your guardian angel,'' the voice answered.
''Oh yeah?'' the man asked... ''And where the hell were you when I gotmarried?''

New Version of Playboy

Q. Did you hear about the new magazine for married men published by Playboy? A. It has the same pictures month after month after month after month after month....