Popular jokes (16801 to 16815)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
A duck walks into a drugstore ...
A duck walks into a drugstore and says to the Pharmacist "gee, can you help me out. I need to buy some prophylactics but I forgot my wallet."The Pharmacist replies "no problem, I'll just put them on your bill."
The Duck responds "gee Doc, that is not the way I planned to use them!"
#joke #short
Harley Davidson billboards
Any guesses why are there so many Harley Davidson billboards on the highway?It is to help the riders know how far it is to the next repair garage.
#joke #short
A man was stopped at a checkpo
A man was stopped at a checkpoint on the way home from a visit to Mexico. The blonde border guard said, "Get out of the car and open the trunk!"The traveler replied, "I'm sorry, but the handbrake on the car is broken. I can't take my foot off the brake or it'll roll backwards!"
The guard, "Do you take me for a FOOL?! That won't keep me from inspecting things!"
He gets into the car himself, in the passenger's seat, and applies the brake himself.
"Now," he says, "That takes care of that, now go and open the trunk!!"
So the traveler complies and opens the trunk of the car.
"Now", shouts the guard from inside the car, "Are there any drugs or contraband in there?"
#joke #blonde
Yes, Theo, what is it? Asked t...
Yes, Theo, what is it? Asked the teacher.I don’t wan to alarm you, Miss Davis, but my dad said if I didn’t get better marks, someone was going to get a licking.
#joke #short
Top Ten Signs You Bought A Bad Computer
10. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.
9. It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.
8. In order to start it, you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.
7. It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".
6. The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.
5. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
4. The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"
3. The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"
2. The only chip inside is a Dorito.
1. You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.
Answering Machine Message 167
When the caller calls your number, as Steven Wright suggested, simply have your message be a busy signal!
#joke #short
Tell What Happened
The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole.
Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.
"Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?" inquired the officer.
"Mister," exclaimed the telephone lineman, "I was at the top of the pole!"
#joke #policeman
Flight To Australia
Why did Novak Djokovic pay for his flight to Australia with a Mastercard?
Because his Visa didn’t work.
#joke #short
Shakespeare's works have...
Shakespeare's works have recently been climbing up the bestseller charts. It's a sonnet boom!#joke #short
Curtains
What is the difference between a hooker, a lover and a housewife?A hooker says, "Faster, faster."
A lover says, "Slower, slower."
A housewife says, "Curtains...I think I need new curtains!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman
#joke #short
Nude Italian On Ship
An Italian kid, on a six-month cruise in the Navy, decides to send pictures to his mom and girlfriend. He takes a picture of himself naked, then rips it in half, intending to send the top half to his mother and the bottom half to his girlfriend. But he mixes them up.
When his mother gets his letter, she looks at the picture and says, "Atsa my Luigi ... long nose, droopy cheeks, and don't-a never shave."
#joke #mother #mom
Q. What do you call a lad...
Q. What do you call a lady with one leg shorter than the other??A. "I - lean"
#joke #short
A man was just waking up from ...
A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are beautiful.” Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are cute!” The wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful,” it was now “cute.” She said, “What happened to ‘beautiful’?”Her husband replied, “The drugs are wearing off!”
#joke
