Popular jokes (18871 to 18885)

An old man, a boy and a donkey...

An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk."

They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey.

As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story?

If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good-bye.

Yoga can be dangerous. If you&

Yoga can be dangerous. If you're dressing for a class – wear a hazmat suit.

The census taker knocked on Mi...

The census taker knocked on Miss Gibson’s door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. “But everybody tells their age to the census taker,” the man said. “Did Miss Mary Hill and Miss Patty Hill tell you their ages?”
“Certainly.” Well, I’m the same age as they are,” she snapped. “As old as the Hills,” the man wrote on his form.

The knitter

“The knitter did not say much but she shrugged a lot!”

Regrettable Means

What's the most regrettable means of communication?
Remorse code

The Hid...

The Hidden Meaning of Recruitment Ads:

"Competitive salary rate" - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"Duties will vary" - Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"Join our dynamic company" - We have no time to train you.

"Casual working environment" - We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up.

"Must be deadline oriented" - You will be 6 months behind on your first day.

"Some overtime required" - Some time each night, some time each weekend.

"Must have an eye for detail" - We have no quality control.

"Seeking wide experience" - You will need to replace three people who just left.

"Good communication skills" - Management communicates poorly, so you have to figure out what they want and do it.

"Problem solving skills needed" - You are walking into a company in continual chaos.

"Requires team leadership skills" - You will have the responsibilities of a manager without the pay or respect.

New Miranda Rights

1. You have the right to remain motionless, or you may elect to run away from me.
2. Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase you down to the ends of the earth.
3. You have the right to have your lawyer run with you. Should he refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be appointed by the court to jog along with you.
4. If while running, you suddenly decide to end the race, beware that my K-9 may or may not understand your intentions, and may continue his persuit of you in full stride.
5. You may stop running at any time, at your own risk.
6. Good luck. On your mark, get set....GO!!!!!

“As I think you know,

“As I think you know, Pi is an irrational number. So far, all efforts to calm it down have failed.”

A blond girl was at the store,

A blond girl was at the store, and just as she was heading for her car, someone stole it. The policemen asked, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."

Want Me To Paint For You?

A blonde was recently fired from an M&M factory for throwing away Ws and peeling the shells on the candies. Therefore, she needed a new job to support herself. After going around town asking if anyone needed work done, she found a man who needed a painter.
"I'm here for the paint job," she said.
"Alright," said the man. "Here is the paint and your brush. I want you to paint my porch behind the house."
The blonde immediately went to work painting. Within an hour, she was done and decided to put on a second coating.
After she finished, she returned to the man for her pay. She said with satisfaction, "I not only completed the job, but I even put on two coats of paint! By the way, that isn't a porsche out back. It's a new BMW.

“A fat pirate is a va...

“A fat pirate is a vast matey.”

Hilarious Humor about the Irish

"And how's yer wife, Pat?"

"Sure, she do be awful sick."

"Is ut dangerous she is?"

"No, she's too weak t' be dangerous anymore!"

"Didja hear the news?" asked Keenan of his pal at the saloon. "Harrigan drank so much, his wife left him!"

"Bartender! Give me six boilermakers!!"

My Men Are Very Brave

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?"

"Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie."

"I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too."

"I'd like to see that."

So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!"

"Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:

"You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."

Yo mama so fat, she has her ow

Yo mama so fat, she has her own zip code.

The Right Answer

First Freshman in Math Exam: "How far are you from the correct answer?"
Second Freshman in Math Exam: "About two seats away."