Popular jokes (20026 to 20040)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Lightbulb Joke Collection 96
Q: How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four--one to change the bulb and three to cut a hole in the roof.
Q: How many mutants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two thirds.
Q: How many waiters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, even a burned out bulb can't catch a waiter's eye.
Q: How many waitresses does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. Two to stand around complaining about it and one to go get the manager.
Q: How many Contras does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he doesn't know where it came from.
Note: Topical to the 1987 Iran/Contra hearings.
Q: How many Contras does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but he needs one Iranian, one Israeli, four Canadians, and Arab, twenty Swiss, and Afghan, and Oliver North to help him.
Note: Topical to the 1987 Iran/Contra hearings.
Q: How many loggers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but he uses a chainsaw.
Q: How many loggers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They can't do it, the light will disturb the spotted owls.
Note : Topical to successful environmentalist pressures to stop logging in the NW U.S. to protect the endangered spotted owl species.
#joke #animal #owl
q If Tarzan and Jane were fro...
q If Tarzan and Jane were from West Virginia, what would Cheetah be?A. Pregnant.
#joke #short
The teacher in Johnny's s...
The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their mothers did for a living.One little girl said her mother was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer.
When it was Little Johnny's turn, he stood up and said "My mom's a whore."
Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned. So the teacher asked "Did you tell the principal what you said in class?"
Johnny said "Yes"
"Well, what did the principal say?"
"He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me an apple and asked for my phone number."
A woman and her son were takin
A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings."Mommy," said the little boy, "what are all those ladies doing?"
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work," she replied.
The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers. They have sex with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mommy?" His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have?"
"They mostly become cab drivers," she replied.
#joke #mother
“I had a job at the b
“I had a job at the bowling alley. Not for long though, I was only tenpin.”
#joke #short
Really funny jokes-Who is the best?
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
#joke #policeman #animal #rabbit #bear
This guy needs a job and decid
This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts, but he needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage.The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!"
The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll both lose our jobs!"
#joke #animal #lion #gorilla
You know you�re getting old wh...
You know you�re getting old when your best friend tells you he's having an affair and you want to know if it's catered.#joke #short
Sexual Exhaustion
One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"and the whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."
#joke #short
Which reptile always says hell...
Which reptile always says hello?#joke #short
Q: What do you call a woman th
Q: What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire?A: Bernadette.
#joke #short
“What did the one cro
“What did the one crow say to the other? Give me a caw sometime.”
#joke #short
