Popular jokes (21316 to 21330)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Men are like a pack of Cards:<...
Men are like a pack of Cards:A "heart" to love them
A "diamond" to marry them
A "club" to smack them and
A "spade" to bury the body...
Proof that Sar
Proof that Sarah Palin's child isn't developmentally delayed is that he can do math. In fact, Trig functions.Reduce National Debt
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Monday, December 7, 1992
In October, an envelope containing $15,000 in cash was left, anonymously, on a chair at the Detroit IRS office with the instruction to apply it "to reduce the national debt."
Poker for feathers
“My buddies and I once got snowed in my cabin for days and played poker for feathers from an old duvet to pass the time. At least my friends were there when the chips were down.”
Passport...
An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died.
Until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued.
"You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please. "The old gal raised her right hand.
"Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question.
The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice, "Uhhh . . . all by myself?"
Answering Machine Message 188
I just got a car phone. I'm not here at the moment. Leave me a message and I'll call you when I'm out.
“Seeing the cars, hou
“Seeing the cars, house and lifestyle of the pharmacy owner, friends and relatives accused him of ill-gotten wealth!”
The Mime Next Door
I got angry with the mime that lived next door to me.
To get even I played a blank CD over and over.
That drove him crazy.
Paybacks are a ... ...
A guy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, making out.
As things really started getting hot, the girl stopped the guy and said, I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.
The guy reluctantly paid her, and they went on with their business.
After they finished, the guy lit up a cigarette, sat back in the driver's seat and stared out the window.
"Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."
The girl’s car couldn’t get st...
The girl’s car couldn’t get started and traffic was tied up for blocks. The light turned green, then yellow, then red. “Whatsa madda, miss,” shouted the officer. “Don’t you like any of our colors?”A barber gave a haircut to a p...
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, 'you do Gods work.' The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused pay, saying, 'you protect the public.' The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, 'you serve the justice system.' The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
Feeling guilty
Lori, the pert and pretty Nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked."Doctor, you must help me." she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see." nodded the psychiatrist. "And you want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter?"
"For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the Nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterwards."
Okay, so a Texan rancher comes...
Okay, so a Texan rancher comes upon a farmer from Maine. The Texan looks at the Mainer and asks, "Say, how much land you think you got here?" Mainer: 'Bout 10 acres I'd say." Texan (boasting): Well, on my lot, it takes me all day to drive completely around my property!" Mainer: "Yep, I got one of them trucks too."Testament Defective
Not sure if it's true.....Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
What was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible?
David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Which Bible character had no parents?
Joshua, son of Nun.
Astrology
I don't believe in astrology...I'm a Sagittarian and we're
skeptical.
- Charles Schultz
