Popular jokes (24211 to 24225)

Q. What kind of ship never sin...

Q. What kind of ship never sinks?

A. Friendship!

“I went to Cairo, but...

“I went to Cairo, but I don't remember if I saw the river or not. I wonder if I am senile.”

Thigns...

In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it: "Think!"

The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign, and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, "Thoap!"

A man enters the hospital for

A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he's perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed.
"Son, there's been a bit of a mix-up," admits the surgeon. "I'm afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis."
"What?!" gasps the patient. "You mean I'll never experience another erection?"
"Oh, you might, " the surgeon reassures him. "Just not yours."

Word Knowledge

Teacher: Johnny, what is a protagonist?
Little Johnny: It’s when you’re playing tag with kids from another neighborhood and they bring in a ringer... they're a Pro-Tagonist.

Tired of having to balance his...

Tired of having to balance his wife Lucy’s checkbook, Bob made a deal with her; he would only look at it after she had spent a few hours trying to wrestle it into shape. Only then would he lend his expertise.

The following night, after spending hours poring over stubs and figures, the woman said proudly, “There! I’ve done it! I made it balance!”
Impressed, Bob came over to take a look.

“Let’s see … mortgage 550.00…electricity 70.50…phone 35.00.” His brow wrinkled as he read the last entry. “It says here ESP, 615.00. What the heck is that?”

“Oh,” she said, “That means, Error Some Place.”

Explanation of Microsoft compu

Explanation of Microsoft computer messages
It says: "Press Any Key"
It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."
It says: "Press A Key"
(This one's a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the "A" key.)
It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error
no. 1A4-2546512430E" It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."
It says: "Installing program to C:\\...."
It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\\windows and c:\\windows\\system where you'll NEVER find them."
It says: "Please insert disk 11"
It means: "Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks."
It says: "Not enough memory"
It means: "I don't CARE if you've got 64MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K."
It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...."
It means: "... However, if you put the CD in correct side up..."
It says: "Please Wait...."
It means: "... Indefinitely."
It says: "Directory does not exist...."
It means: ".... any more. Whoops."
It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close."
It means: ".... Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back."

Saved By Buddha Nature

A Buddhist and a Hindu went skydiving together. As they prepared to jump, the Buddhist said, "If anything should go wrong--"
"Nothing will go wrong," said the Hindu. "But if it does, God will save me."
"Not a chance," the Buddhist said, "Because there IS no God. There is only your Essential Buddha Nature." The Hindu scoffed at this.
The pair leaped out of the plane. Halfway down, they discovered that their parachutes wouldn't open."My God!" screamed the Hindu. "Save me!" But he continued to plummet.
Just then he heard the Buddhist say, "I call upon my own Essential Buddha Nature." Immediately, a giant hand came out of nowhere, cradled the Buddhist in its palm and gently began lowering him toward the ground.
The terrified Hindu too cried out, "I call upon my own Essential Buddha Nature!" With that, another giant hand appeared, cradled the Hindu in its palm and gently lowered him toward the ground.
"Whew! That was a close one!" said the Hindu, wiping the sweat from his brow. "Thank God!" whereupon the giant hand turned over.

A little hard of hearing!

A 92 year-old man went to the Doctor to get a physical. A few days later the Dr. saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

A couple of days later the Dr. talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful."

The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful."

Q: If you call a large turke...

Q: If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one?

A: Goblet.

Austria started WWI because it...

Austria started WWI because it had no Franz.

The 3 Priests

There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass, well endowed, gorgeous, amazing woman. The priests were all in embarrassing new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.

The first priest approached the window...

"Young lady," he began, "I would like three pickets to titsburg." Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.

The second priest approached...

"Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh," he began, "and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." He turns red and runs away.

Then came the third...

"Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And I must say," he continued, "if you insist on dressing like that when you get to the pearly gates -

St. Finger's going to shake his peter at you!"

There are mostly perfume ads o

There are mostly perfume ads on Channel Number 5.

Manual clock repairers

“Manual clock repairers who are hands on are ticking away!”

My Wife Is Beating Me

David: My wife beats me, doctor.
Doctor: Oh dear. How often?
David: Every time we play Scrabble!