Blonde jokes - jokes about blondes (1141 to 1155)

Two bored casino dealers were ...

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!" Then she hollered... "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know, I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral of the story: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men....are men.

Blonde Rolls Back The Odometer

A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldnt find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car. "235,000 miles." Her friend told her that was the problem. But the blondes friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000. Two days later the blonds friend asked her if she sold the car since her brother dropped the miles. The blonde told her, "Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!"

Q: Why do blo...

Q: Why do blonds have bruised belly buttons?
A: Because they have blond boyfriends.

Q: How do you...

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?



A: Put her in a round room and tell her to stand in the corner.

A blonde was on vacation in th...

A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didnt want to pay the high prices.
After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, Maybe Ill just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, Damn, this one isnt wearing any shoes either.

Last year I replaced all the w...

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, but this week I got a call from the contractor, complaining his work had been completed a year ago and I had yet to pay for them.

Boy oh boy, did we go around and around. Just because I'm a blonde does not mean I'm automatically stupid.

So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year - namely, that in one year, the windows would pay for themselves... There was silence on the other end of the line, so I just hung up.

I have not heard anything back.

A blond guy gets home early fr...

A blond guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's wrong?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.

"You rotten bastard" says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"

A police officer stops a blond...

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

Three Months to Live

A guy goes to see a doctor and after a series of tests the doctor comes in and says,

"I've got some good news and some bad news."

"What's the bad news?"

asks the patient.

"The bad news is that unfortunately, you've only got 3 months to live."

The patient is shocked, "Oh my god! Well what's the good news then, doctor?"

The doctor points over to the secretary at the front desk,

"You see that blonde with the big breasts, tight ass and legs that go all the way up to heaven?"

The patient says, "Yes."

The doctor smiles and replies, "I'm banging her!"

Blondes Love Puzzles

There was this bartender & he was working at the bar one night.

In walked a group of blondes & they were chanting "44 days! 44 days!"

One of the blondes was carrying a picture puzzle of Cookie Monster in a frame.

The bartender leaned towards the blonde holding the puzzle and asked, "Why are you chanting 44 days?"

She set down the puzzle on the counter and said, "A lot of people think us blondes are dumb, so to show them, we bought this puzzle and put it together. It said 1-3 months but we completed it in 44 days!"

Diamond Ring

A cop saw a young blonde woman down on her knees under a streetlight. "Can I help you?" he asked.

Replied the woman, "I dropped my diamond ring and I'm looking for it."

Asked the cop "did you drop it right here?"

"No," responded the blonde, "I dropped it about a block away, but the light's better here."

A blonde girl was going on her...

A blonde girl was going on her first date and her grandmother gave her some advice:

"The boy may try to kiss you -- it will feel good, but don't do it. He may try to go up your skirt -- but don't let him. He may try to try to take your clothes off -- but don't do it. He may try to get on top of you -- but don't do it. If you do any of these things, you'll disgrace your family."

The girl said she understood and went on her date.

The girl came home at about 11pm and her grandmother was waiting for her and said, "Well, did you disgrace the family?"

"No", said the girl, "Instead of letting him do those things to me, I did them to him and now it's his family that's disgraced!"

Lightbulb Joke Collection 40

Q: How many body builders/weightlifters does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: 6. One to change it and 5 to say "Man, you've got huge muscles !"


Q: How many Sun readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.


Q: How many Sun readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None, but one is enough to screw up the joke.


Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Duh.... whats a lightbulb???


Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: It depends how many blondes there are, but some people prefer it with the lights off.


Q: How many poltergeists does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Three. One to unscrew the old bulb and drop it on the floor, one to put the new bulb in, and one to move a few more things about just for good measure.


Q: How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: There is nothing to change.


Q: How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Sod it, we're all gonna die anyway.

The Blonde's Hai

One day a blonde walked into a barber shop and asked for a hair cut. when the barber asked her how she wanted it she said any way, just don't take of my headphones.

She went into the barber shop every day for a month and told the barber the same thing every day.

One day the barber decided to see what would happen when he took off the headphones. When he did the blonde grabbed her neck then fell over dead.

When the barber listened to the headphones they were saying breathe in breathe out....

A young blonde girl goes to th...

A young blonde girl goes to the doctor for a physical.

The doctor puts his stethoscope up to the girl's chest and says, 'Big breaths...'

The girl replies, 'Yeth and I'm not even thixteen.'