Friday jokes - jokes about friday and friday 13th (226 to 240)

Smart Johnny

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.
On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer.
The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer. Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.
So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.
The teacher says, " Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?"
Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!"

A white-haired old man walked ...

A white-haired old man walked into a jewelry store on a Friday, with a beautiful young lady at his side.
"I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend," he said.
Our jeweler looked through our stock and took out an outstanding ring priced at $5,000. "I don't think you understand-I want something very unique," the man said.
At that, our now very excited jeweler went and fetched our special stock from the safe. "Here's one stunning ring at $40,000." The girl’s eyes sparkled, and the man said that he would take it. "How are you paying?" asked our jeweler.
"I'll pay by check; but of course the bank will want to make sure that everything is in order, so I'll write a check and you can phone the bank tomorrow, and then I'll fetch the ring on Monday."
Monday morning, our very disappointed jeweler phoned the man. "You lied, there's no money in that account." "I know, sorry, but can you imagine what a FANTASTIC weekend I had?"

You From New York?

Signs You're from New York

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.
   
2. You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skill.
   
3. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
   
4. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
   
5. The homeless are invisible.
   
6. The subway makes sense.
   
7. The subway should never be called anything prissy, like the Metro.
   
8. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
   
9. You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price.
   
10. You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple".
    
11. Your door has more than three locks.
    
12. You go to a hockey game for the fighting. In the stands. To participate.
    
13. Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it.
    
14. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
    
15. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
    
16. You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard.
    
17. You complain about having to mow it.
    
18. You are a skee-ball juggernaut.
    
19. You consider Westchester "Upstate".
    
20. You cried the day Ed Koch took over for Judge Wapner.
    

T.G.I.F.

A Blonde goes over to her friend's house Wearing a T.G.I.F. T-shirt.
'Why are you wearing a Thank God It's Friday tee-shirt on Monday?'
'Oh crap!' the blonde says. 'I didn't Realize it was a religious T-shirt. I thought it meant Tits Go In Front'

Return What Is Stolen

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Des Moines, Iowa:
A repentant burglar returned his loot to its owners, along with a note explaining why: "My priest said I done a wrong."
More than $200, a pair of sunglasses and some golf balls were found Monday morning on the steps of Potthoff Foods Incorporated, a meat wholesaler.
"He took my sunglasses, but I didn't know he took them until I got them back this morning," sales representative Phil Barber said. "You know, I don't think something like this happens that often. It's sort of neat. The guy did wrong, but he tried to make it right."
The break-in at Potthoff's happened late Friday or early Saturday. The thief pried open a door and rummaged through some desks.
Potthoff officials said they're not going to depend on the honesty of thieves' nature in the future.
"We are adding an extra security system today," Barber said.