The best jokes (7261 to 7275)

“I once got into so m

“I once got into so much debt that I couldn't even afford my electricity bills, they were the darkest times of my life.”

The Pure Logic of a Child …. The Painless Dentist

When a new dentist set up in town he quickly acquired a reputation of being the 'Painless' dentist. However, a local little girl called Veronica disputed his claim.
'He's a fake!' Veronica told her friends. 'He's not painless at all.
When he stuck his finger in my mouth, I bit him, and he screamed like anyone else!'

He crashed while row...

“He crashed while rowing his boat and suffered a broken scull.”

A Publicist for Moses

Moses: “How are we going to get across the sea? The Egyptians are close behind us!”General of the army: “Normally, I’d recommend that we build our own bridge to carry us across. But there’s not enough time for that.”Admiral of the navy: “Normally, I’d recommend that we build barges to carry us across. But time is too short.”Public relations officer: “I don’t have a solution, but I can promise you this: If you can find a way out of here, I’ll get you two or three pages in the Old Testament!”From "The Book of Church Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.

 The Customs Of An Irishman

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."

 The Snowman

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Freeze

I'm moving to Japan, for

I'm moving to Japan, for the Sony weather.

“Once the pilot start

“Once the pilot started lying about his flying, he went into a tale spin.”

When humans are young, they ar

When humans are young, they are pushed around in strollers...
When they are old, they are pushed around in wheelchairs...
In between, they are just pushed around...

Can't Go Home Again

I went back to my home town a decided to visit the house I grew up in.
I ask the occupants if I could come inside. They said, 'No!'
My parents can be so grouchy some times.

A doctor calls his patient and

A doctor calls his patient and says, "The check you gave me for my bill came back."
The patient replied, "So did my arthritis!"

“My wife kept insisti

“My wife kept insisting I do macrame. Finally I shouted, 'Knot again!'”

“It was cold in the b

“It was cold in the bedroom so I laid down next to the wood-stove and slept like a log.”

The counselor was giving advic

The counselor was giving advice to a young man: "To gain self-confidence, you must avoid using negative words, such as CAN'T and NOT. Do you think you can do that?"
The young man responded, "Well, I can't see why not."

Last week our police station w

Last week our police station was broken into and the commode was stolen from the rest room.
Yesterday the police reported that the investigation is ongoing but they still have nothing to go on.