The best jokes (14731 to 14745)

Q :How did Harry Potter ge

Q :How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
A: Walking......Jk,Rowling

What's in Here?

One Easter Sunday morning as the pastor was preaching a children's sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg.
He pointed at the egg and asked the children, "What's in here?"
"I know, I know!" a little boy exclaimed, "Pantyhose!"

 Hick Computer Terms

Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.
Log Off: Don't add no wood.
Monitor: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz: When yer not careful down loadin'.
Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.
Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.
Hard Drive: Getting' home in the winter season.
Prompt: What you wish the mail was in the winter.
Windows: What to shut when it's below 15 below.
Screen: What 'cha need for the black fly season.
Byte: That's what the flies do.
Chip: What to munch on.
Micro Chip: What's left in the bottom of the bag.
Infrared: Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.
Modem: What 'cha did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's wife.
Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy.
Keyboard: Where ya hang your keys.
Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils.
Mouse: Whats eats the horses grain.
Main Frame: Hold up the barn roof.
Port: Fancy wine.
Enter: C'mon in.
Random Access Memory: You can't remember whatcha' paid for that new rifle when your wife asks.

“When they allowed th

“When they allowed the bass sheep into the barbershop quartet they really set the baa low.”

The brightest dog

Two dog owners were bragging about the intelligence of their pets. “The brightest dog I ever had,” said one, “was a Great Dane that used to play cards. He was great at poker, but finally a friend complained about him and I had to get rid of him.”

“You got rid of him, a bright dog like that?” exclaimed his friend. “A dog like that would be worth millions.”

“Had to,” the first man replied. “I caught him cheating.”

KZ Country Cheesy Joke of the Day

Jigsaw puzzle

“A completed jigsaw puzzle is a pieceful solution.”

If I had a nickel

“If I had a nickel for every bread pun, I'd have a pun per nickel.”

Tech Support

Tech: "Hello, this is tech support. What can I help you with today?"
User: (describes problem)
Tech: (rattles off computer jargon)
User: "Sorry, I don't understand. Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?"
Tech: "Okay... 'Hi, could you please put your mommy on the phone?'"

Claire, after retiring from a

Claire, after retiring from a busy life in business, travels around the country visiting antique shops trying to find bargains.
One day she goes to an antique shop in Stratford upon Avon, England. Here, Claire speaks to Victoria, the shop's owner, "When I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I'd like to buy it."
"Sorry," replied Victoria, "but I can't possibly sell you that."
"Oh, what a pity, but why not?" inquired Claire.
"Because," said the owner, "that's my husband."

 Answering Machine Message 91

(Guns & Roses' "Civil War":) What we've got here is... Failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach... I don't like it any more than you do.

The Flock Of Sheep

A cowboy was leading a flock of sheep down Main Street when he was ordered to stop by the town policeman.
“What’s wrong?” the cowboy asked. “I was just heading my ewes into a side street.”
“That’s the trouble,” the policeman replied. “No ewe turns permitted on Main Street!”

What's the most frustrat

What's the most frustrating thing for a dog in a car?

“The snow removal com

“The snow removal company said they try to plow sense into people wanting to use shovels.”

 Elephant Jokes 11

What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
Sir!

What can an elephant with a machine gun call you?
Anything he likes!

What do you call an elephant that's small and pink?
A failure!

What is stronger an elephant or a snail?
A snail, because it carries it's house, an elephant just carries its trunk!

What do you give an elephant with big feet?
Plenty of room!

Tarzan was tired when he came home.
"What have you been doing", asked Jane.
"Chasing a herd of elephants on vines"
"Really?", said Jane. "I thought elephants stayed on the ground!"
What would happen if an elephant sat in front of you at the movies?
You would miss most of the film!

What steps would you take if you were being chased by an elephant?
Big ones!

What do you find in an elephants graveyard?
Elephantoms!

Why do elephants have wrinkly ankes?
Because their shoes are too tight!

Pastry chefs

“Pastry chefs never die - they just croissant over to the other side.”