Actual Employee Evaluations...

* Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig.

* His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

* I would not allow this man to breed.

* This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be.

* Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

* When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

* He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

* This man has delusions of adequacy.

* He sets low personal standards and consistently fails to achieve them.

* This employee should go far -- the sooner he starts, the better.

* This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

* Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't looking.

* Got a full six-pack, but is missing the plastic thingy that holds it together.

* A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

* A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

* Bright as Alaska in December.

* Donated his brain to science before he was quite finished using it.

* Fell out of his family tree.

* The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.

* This man has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

* If brains were taxed, he would get a rebate.

* Any dumber and he would have to be watered twice a week.

* If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you would get change back.

* If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

* It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

* Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he gargled.

* Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.