Business One-liners 109

Fifth Law of Applied Terror: If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

Corollary: If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.

Fifth Law of Procrastination: Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.

Finagle's Creed: Science is true.

Don't be misled by facts.

Finagle's Laws:

1) Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.

2) No matter what results are expected, someone is always willing to fake it.

3) No matter what the result, someone is always eager to misinterpret it.

4) No matter what results occur, someone believes it happened according to his pet theory.

5) If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

6) In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.

7) The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.

8) Do not merely believe in miracles; rely on them.

Finagle's Law Of Government Contracting: Dealing with the government is like kicking a 300-pound sponge.

Finagle's Law Of Military Superiority: The bigger they are, the harder they hit.

Finagle's Rules: 1) To study an application best, understand it thoroughly before you start.

2) Always keep a record of data.

It indicates you've been working.

3) Always draw your curves, then plot the reading.

4) In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.