Short jokes for sunny Tuesday

Why is "dark" spelled with a "k" and not a "c"?
Because you can't C in the dark!;

A recent study has shown that women who carry extra weight,
tend to live longer
than the men who mention it!

I was so confused last night, as my printer was playing music.
Turns out my paper was just jamming.

Guys I need your help. In the middle of an argument with the wife she told me that I'm right…
What the hell do I do next?

I knew it was bad news when my friend said "you know our favorite dentist…"
I had to brace myself.

I don’t know if tampons are the best invention ever..
…but they’re definitely up there!

My doctor ordered me to take a blood test...
I got an A-. Not too bad.

Can a ninja throw a star?
SHUR-HE-CAN.

If you were born legs first,
for a small moment you were wearing your mum as a hat!

Liverpool police stopped a car & were amazed to find it taxed,
full MOT & insured.
It wasn't stolen, there were no stolen goods or drugs.
The driver was sober & had a full clean licence...
A police spokesman said,
"We had no option but to fine him £80 for wasting police time!"

Guy driving along the highway at 70mph,
sees a chicken running along side keeping up.
Crazy enough the chicken has three legs! Punches it to 80,
chicken stays with it then cuts off down a country road.
Guy follows it into the driveway of a farm, sees the farmer.
"Did you see a three legged chicken speed in here"?
"Yeah that's mine.
I breed them that way because me, my wife, and my son all like drumsticks"
the farm tells the driver.
"Wow that's amazing how do they taste?" the guy asks.
"Dunno"
said the farmer "never caught one before".