The Police Officer's Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas

and throughout the substation,

Not a deputy stirred,

they were all on vacation.

The stockings were hung

on the wall with great care,

Next to some T-shirts

and old underwear.

I was working the night shift

compiling stats,

Answering the phone,

and feeding the rat.

When all of a sudden

there arose such a clatter,

I leapt from my desk

to see what was the matter!

I opened the door

with a creak and a crick,

And saw a jolly red fat man

I knew must be St. Nick.

I had seen his picture

a time or two,

He was wanted:

Article 27 - Section 342.

I threw open the door

and commanded him "Freeze!"

"Put your hands on you head

and get down on your knees."

But he turned and he ran,

up the chimney he flew,

With me in pursuit,

toward Booth St. I knew.

When we got to the roof

Santa made for his sleigh,

Throwing down toys

and blocking my way.

As I got to the peak,

he threw down some crack,

I slipped and I fell

landing flat on my back.

To my front I was faced

with a toy M-1 tank,

And Pink Power Rangers

covering my flank.

"On Dasher, on Dancer!",

he cried loud and clear.

Then I got off three rounds

and dropped the lead deer.

And I heard Santa say

as he sailed into the blue,

"Merry Christmas to all!

My Lawyers will sue!"