Fatal Things to Say if Your Wife is Pregnant

Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40

pounds.

Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee

had a baby!

I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby

forever!

Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super

Bowl.

Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise

visit from that Richard Simmons fella.

Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy,

that's gotta hurt.

Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to

Willard Scott!

I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of

childbirth?

Are your ankles supposed to look like that?

Get your *own* ice cream.

Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today.

Got milk?

Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney?

Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of

Madagascar!

Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water...

Your stomach sticks out almost as much as your ass!

You don't have the guts to pull that trigger...