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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 19 October 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 19 October 2008

Foreman

One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His nephew asked him what happened.
“You know what a foreman is?” he asked. “The one who stands around and watches the other men work?”
“What's that got to do with it?” he asked.
“Well, he just got jealous of me,” Uncle Joe explained. “Everyone thought I was the foreman.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (6)

Dropping me down to a B

I was furious at my English teacher for dropping me down to a B for missing just a single period.

However, I'm sure he'll be worried enough to increase it to an A after I inform him that I've actually missed three periods.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (10)

That podiatrist is v...

“That podiatrist is very sneaky. Give him an arch, he will take a foot.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

Two Elderly Gentlemen

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail..... When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men.
So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business. After the two men were finished, they started walking home and began to talking. The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned... how was it for you?"
The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch. When I nibbled on her breast..... she farted and flew out the window!"    

#joke #animal #cat
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 7.71/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (14)

Children and Cars

Children in the backseat can cause accidents.

Accidents in the backseat can cause children.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 7.57/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (7)

If someone with multiple perso...

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to commit suicide, is that considered a hostage crisis?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.75/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (12)

Scream Day Jokes

April 24th is #ScreamDay, created to bring awareness to the benefits of screaming. #Scream some #jokes!

My wife screamed, "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?!"
I was taken aback... what a weird way to start a conversation.

A pregnant woman screams COULDN’T WOULDN’T SHOULDN’T CAN’T…
The Dr said “nothing to worry about, those are contractions”

What's long, thick, black, and can make you scream?
A tornado

I like to lick women until they scream
Usually only takes one lick.

My wife woke me up around Dawn, screaming her head off
I should mention Dawn was our babysitter.

What do you call a guy in a nascar screaming slurs?
Speed Racist.

#ScreamDay #ScreamDay2023

#joke
Joke | Source: Hand picked jokes - Daily Jokes hand picked from various locations
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

A powerful Emperor advertised for a new Chief Samurai...

A powerful Emperor advertised for a new Chief Samurai. Only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai.

LNumber One Samurai, "Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.

The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and "swish"; the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!

"What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Samurai, show me what you can do."

The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and "swish, swish"; the fly fell to the floor, neatly quartered!

"That is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Number Three Samurai?" Number Three Samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, release one fly, drew his Samurai sword, and "swoooooosh" flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around!

In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."

"Dead, schmed," replied the Jewish Samurai. "Dead is easy. What takes REAL skill is circumcision"

#joke
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 9.58/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (12)

Cannot Undress

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."
"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"
"Put them on the chair, on top of mine."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 6.30/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (10)

Lost in the supermarket

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?"

"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 9.26/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (19)

My Boss Won't Stop Flirting

My boss won't stop flirting with me.
It makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
Mainly because we're a family run business.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

Married 25 years, I took a loo...

Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blond.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed.
#joke #blonde #food #honey
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 9.33/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (21)

Medicare Coverage

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'
'Mrs. Sanders, please.'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'
'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'
'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.
'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (11)

Better

It's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Minion Quotes - Despicable Me Minions is a website dedicated to minions. Have a good time reading minion quotes, funny quotes or entertain yourself playing minion games. Sajt vise ne radi
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

A trucker who has been out on...

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!!"
The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."
The trucker replies, "Listen sweetheart, I ain’t horny, I’m homesick."
#joke #food #sandwich #meal
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

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