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Jokes of the day for Friday, 14 November 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 14 November 2008

A doctor goes out and buys the...

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000.

He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"

The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 250 miles an hour!" states the doctor proudly.

The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies the doctor.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my Moped!"

Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 150 mph.

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror - what it could be... and suddenly.

WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH!

Something whips by him going much faster! "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the doctor asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 175 mph.

Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!

Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 210 mph.

WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH!

He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of his old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 250 mph.

Not ten seconds later,he sees the Moped bearing down on him again!

The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.

The doctor stops and jumps out and ,unbelievably , the old man is still alive. He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh My Gosh! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man whispers, "Unhook my suspenders from your side mirror."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Another room...

The drunk staggered up to the hotel reception and demanded his room be changed.

"But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."

"I insist on another room!!" said the drunk.

"Very good, sir. I`ll change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk.

"Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

SLIDESHOW #156 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Why was the strawberry depress...

Why was the strawberry depressed?
His parents were in a jam.

Mark Black, Abbeyhill
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com


The full article contains 37 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

The Christmas Party

...

The Christmas Party

Tom had been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.

Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door.

He opens it and there is a huge, bearded man standing there.

"Name's Lars, your neighbour from forty miles up the road...Having Christmas party Friday night... Thought you might like to come. About 5:00..."

"Great," says Sam, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks............Thank you."

As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you... There's gonna be some drinkin'.

"Not a problem," says Tom. "After 25 years in business, I can drink with the best of em."

Again, as he starts to leave, Lars stops. More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."

Sam says, "Well, I get along with people, I'll be alright. I'll be there. Thanks again."

Once again Lars turns from the door. "More'n likely be some wild sex, too."

"Now that's really not a problem," says Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.

By the way, what should I wear?"

Lars stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us."

#joke #christmas #friday
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

One snake asks another, "Are w...

One snake asks another, "Are we poisonous snakes?" The other replies, "Yes, of course! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?" The first says, "I just bit my tongue."
#joke #short #animal #snake
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Answering Machine Message 13


Hi. This is John's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions.





#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Grasshopper

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper looks surprised and says, "You have a drink named Steve?"

#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

That's A Buncha Bull

A man was visiting Spain and passed by a restaurant in Madrid after a bullfight. They were advertising that they served the balls of the bull who lost the bullfight. Intrigued, the man went inside, only to find that where was a six-week waiting list to get to eat the loser's balls. So he signed up and came back six weeks later. When he got his meal, there were two teeny, teeny balls on his plate. He called the waiter over to complain.

"I've waited six weeks for bull balls. What are these?"

"Sir," the waiter said, "the bull doesn't always lose."

#joke #animal #bull #food #meal
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Famous Jokes

A Dinner Blessing…..

Ed, was a strictly a ‘meat-and-potatoes' man. Over the years, he's learned to like more foods, but there are still two vegetables he won't eat. His family likes to tease him about it.

One year at a holiday gathering, Ed got the last laugh when he gave this cute tongue-in-cheek blessing: Now we sit to eat what's here; we pray no green stuff will appear. No Brussels sprouts or any such
and asparagus, Lord, would be too much. But give us meat that's white or red and potatoes, corn and lots of bread. Some good brown gravy wouldn't hurt and to top it off, some pie for dessert.

#joke #food #bread #dinner #pie #dessert #meat

Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 2.20/10

Rating: 2.2/10 (5)

A young...

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 August 2008
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (6)

After eight days of backpackin...

After eight days of backpacking with my wife, we were looking pretty scruffy. One morning she came to breakfast in a baseball cap, her shoulder length hair sticking out at odd angles.
"Darling," she said, "does my hair make me look like a water buffalo?"
I thought for a moment, then said, "If I tell you the truth, do you promise not to charge?"
#joke #animal #buffalo #food #breakfast #sport #baseball
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (14)

The salesman was demonstrating...

The salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in the department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.
Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the 'unbreakable' comb for everyone to see and said,
"And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside..."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.88/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (16)

Before going to Europe on busi...

Before going to Europe on business, a man drives his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and asks for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requests collateral. "Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce," the man says. The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping and gives the man the $5,000. Two weeks later, the man walks through the bank's doors and asks to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest," the loan officer says. The man writes out a check and starts to walk away. "Wait, sir," the loan officer says. "You are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?" The man smiles, "Where else could I find a safer place to park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"
#joke #policeman
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Math Teacher

The night before one exam, two students tied one on, (well, actually, tied two on, one each), and managed to sleep through the final. They realized they were in serious trouble, so they agreed to tell the professor that they had a flat tire on the way to the exam.
``No problem." said the Professor, ``Come by my office at 5 P.M. and I'll give you the exam then."
Feeling pretty clever, the students spent the intervening time getting information on the exam from students who had already taken it, and making sure they knew how to do the problems. Coming to the professor's office that evening, they were told, ``Leave your books in my office, and I'll put you in two separate rooms for the exam." They were both ecstatic to see that the Professor had given them the exact same exam taken by the class that morning. However, there was an additional page tacked on the end, upon which was written, "For 50% of the grade, which tire was flat?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.29/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (7)

A redneck calls up the White H...

A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist: "I'd like to become the next President of the United States."
Receptionist: "What are you, an idiot?"
Redneck: "Why, is it required?"
#joke #short #redneck
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.40/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (20)

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